David Keyes

Former spokesman & advisor to Israel's Prime Minister, startup founder, pranker of dictators. TOTAL VICTORY.
[email protected]

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

TOTAL VICTORY

[Haviv Rettig Gur @havivrettiggur]

Talking too much is universal. Apologizing for it as you keep going…is the Jewish way. :)

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

Another day of lackluster views on my X posts. Good thing I LOVE INDIA!!!!

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

Threw these up around Israel

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

What are the chances that the same guy who taught me Jewish philosophy at Brandeis Collegiate Institute in Simi Valley in 2000 is now head of the IRGC Quds Force? Literally zero. Yet there he is.

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

.@havivrettiggur is the most wonderfully Jewish voice we have.

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

Do you remember how pathetic it was when people actually drove cars that couldn't fly?!

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

NAILED IT

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

🚨🚨🚨 DETAILS TO FOLLOW 🚨🚨🚨

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

🚨🚨 CONFIRMED: The unconfirmed reports that the previous reports were confirmed has just been confirmed.

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

There's precisely a 0% chance that I will agree to drive in a non-flying car from now on.

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

Told you it wouldn't happen last night!

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

🚨🚨 PICKAXE MOUNTAIN WILL BE DESTROYED TONIGHT. Or it won't. This Iran thing is super confusing.

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

Nothing tops Glenn Gould playing the Goldberg Variations. Personally I prefer his 1981 version over 1955.

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

Will follow up with the details shortly. Details to follow.

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

🚨🚨🚨 DETAILS TO FOLLOW 🚨🚨🚨

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

98% sure it has something to do with the Jews

[Steve 🌱 @steve_csheng]

Hey @grok, why is there always extra space before zero? 🤔 Doesn’t that mess up the accuracy of measurements? 👀

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

I think we should globalize defeating intifadahs

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

I'm thinking about switching sides and praising Pakistan non-stop, but I guess if millions of Indians like this post, I'll stick with the GREATEST DEMOCRACY IN SOUTH ASIA OF ALL TIME!!!!

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

I'm trying to think of something funny to quote tweet

[Sir Doge of the Coin ⚔️ @dogeofficialceo]

I’m trying to think of something funny to post

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

Apparently I can't see everything because it's not in theatres in Israel

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

If your views on X suck, you're not being shadow-banned. You just don't say enough that INDIA IS A THRIVING AND BEAUTIFUL DEMOCRACY!!!

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

Main reason I want Indian villagers to have Starlink is to be able to see my hilarious tweets.

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

Can I say something without everyone getting mad?