SmarterChild

Petting Zoologist. Not A Famous Comedian.

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

Today’s the day!

[Patrick Doran @lunch_enjoyer]

X is a terrible name. I would have gone with something like David. And all tweets would be called Daves.

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

Happy @PostMalone day to all who celebrate!

[Shea Serrano @SheaSerrano]

literally the greatest performance in any all-star game 3-point shooting contest ever

this shit don’t make any sense

SHE HIT 25 OUT 27 SHOTS LOL WTF

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

@Son_ImSleep “Money be green. Money feel like money!”

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

Shout out to everyone who at one point changed their AIM profile to “Please wait…” just for the heck of it.

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

@g0thgoblin @roastmalone_ I read this as ‘the little drunk you get while running errands…’ and so I guess I might have a problem.

[Skoog @Skoog]

yeah i'm excited for dune 2.

dune 2 chicks at the same time man.

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

There should be a song about shots, shots, shots, shots, shots.

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

@GilletteStadium How is Saturday’s crowd going to park when Friday’s fans are still stuck in your parking lots?

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

.@taylorswift13 loved your concert tonight, but I feel bad for anyone attending Saturday or Sunday.

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

Moody’s Point was way before its time.

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

The movie Blank Check.

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

If one or more of your friends used you to keep someone out of their Snap Chat top 3 friends, you may be entitled to financial compensation.

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

Mike’s Super Short Podcast

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

We’re still fighting the war against drugs, but the war against ads was lost a long time ago.

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

“It’s not about distance, it’s about timing.”

Was I having a deep conversation? Or was I talking about air high fives?

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

@TwistedTea Is it contagious?

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

I talked to this dachshund place about DACHSHUNDS!

[SmarterChild @DavidNOTBeckham]

@jlisella23 LEWIS PARK?!