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David Ornsine
@DavidOrnsine_
Parody account | Not affiliated with anyone | football ficton & satire | stories you wish were true
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Joined August 2025
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Wenn du mindestens 6 Spieler nennen kannst, bist du ein großer Fußballfan.
Exactly bro 😂
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@Vfynn_ The club is doing him bad
🚨𝗡𝗘𝗪: Wayne Rooney has slammed Manchester United’s treatment of Michael Carrick, who is still taking training while the club prepares to replace him with Mauricio Pochettino:
🗣️Rooney: “It’s a disgrace. If they’re looking for somebody else, then relieve the man of his duties. Don’t expect him to keep taking training while you’re planning his replacement. He’s a human being. Treat the guy with respect.
You cannot demand loyalty, professionalism and commitment from a manager while showing none of those things back to him. Carrick is still expected to stand in front of the players, set the standards and get them ready for the next match, all while the hierarchy is meeting elsewhere and sounding out alternatives. That’s not leadership — that’s cowardice.
If the board has already lost confidence in him, they should have the guts to walk in and tell him. Instead, they’re leaving a club legend in an uncomfortable, uncertain position while they hide behind the history of Manchester United. The name and the past don’t excuse this kind of decision-making. Even if the results have been poor — and they have — that does not give anyone the right to treat someone without basic professional respect.
Michael gave this club his best years as a player. He deserves honesty and transparency about his future, not to be left hanging while everyone else works out the next move. And the hierarchy needs to start taking responsibility for its own recruitment and decisions instead of making the manager the only one who has to answer for everything. This is embarrassing.
@Vfynn_ Damage control
@UTD_Seth001 Man got tactics honestly
🚨Pep Guardiola on Mauricio Pochettino:
🗣️ “There was one match against Tottenham where Mauricio Pochettino surprised me completely.
I remember it because normally, when you prepare for a team, you have an idea of what they will do.
You study the full-backs.
You study the midfield.
You study where the wingers receive the ball.
You study everything.
But that day, Mauricio changed something that I had never seen him do before.
We started the match expecting Tottenham to press us high.
Instead, they invited our centre-backs forward.
They gave us the ball.
I thought, ‘Okay, they want us to advance.’
So we advanced.
And then I realised the trap.
Every time Rodri received the ball, Harry Kane dropped into the space behind him while Christian Eriksen moved across.
Suddenly we had five City players ahead of the ball but nowhere to play forward.
We were controlling possession without controlling the game.
I looked at my assistant and said, ‘He has prepared this specifically for us.’
Then Tottenham scored.
But the goal wasn’t what impressed me.
It was what happened immediately afterwards.
I walked toward Mauricio on the touchline and said, ‘You planned this?’
He smiled.
He said, ‘You always want the ball, Pep. So I decided to give it to you.’
I said, ‘But you don’t want us to have it.’
He said, ‘Exactly.’
That was the moment I knew we were in trouble.
Because he understood something very important about Manchester City.
You cannot always beat us by pressing us.
Sometimes you beat us by making us think we are comfortable.
And that was what Tottenham were doing.
Every time we tried to speed the game up, they slowed it down.
Every time we tried to play through the middle, they closed the space.
When we went wide, they allowed the pass and immediately attacked the space behind our full-back.
It was very intelligent.
At half-time, I told the players, ‘We are not losing because they are running more than us. We are losing because they are making us play the game they want.’
That was Pochettino.
He had taken our biggest strength possession and turned it into something that could hurt us.
In the second half, I changed our structure.
We started moving Bernardo deeper and asked our full-backs to stay higher.
Mauricio saw it immediately.
He changed Tottenham again.
That’s what I respected most.
Some coaches prepare one plan and hope it works.
Mauricio was coaching the match while the match was happening.
I walked past him again and said, ‘You are changing too much.’
He laughed and said, ‘You started it.’
That is what people don’t always understand about Mauricio.
They see the emotional side.
They see him running, shouting, celebrating.
But underneath that, there is a very serious tactical coach.
He understands spaces.
He understands pressing triggers.
He understands how to manipulate the opponent.
And more importantly, he understands players.
At full-time, we drew the match, but honestly, I remember it as one of those games where you learn something.
I told Mauricio, ‘You made us uncomfortable today.’
He said, ‘That was the idea.’
I said, ‘I know.’
Then I shook his hand and told him, ‘You are a very good coach.’
Because sometimes you have to give credit.
And I don’t say that because he is my friend.
I say it because I have sat on the touchline and watched him solve problems against my team.
Pochettino is not only about intensity.
He is not only about running.
He is not only about emotion.
There is a tactician there.
A very good one.
And if you give him players who understand his ideas and allow him to build properly, he can make a team extremely difficult to play against.
That night, Tottenham didn’t beat us because they defended for their lives.
They made us question ourselves.
And for a coach, that is one of the biggest compliments you can give another coach.
Mauricio made Pep Guardiola change his plan.
And believe me, that is not something many managers can do.”
@idris_lfc1 Wow nostalgia
me after realizing i can take a screenshot of a tweet directly from the copy link option
@justdc0 My football knowledge is bad 💔
You should stop watching football,if you can’t name at least nine players here. 🤨
@BiggestMohhh Still find it hard to believe Ronaldo is no more 😥
🚨🎙️ Bruno Fernandes on his conversation with Diogo Dalot following Portugal’s first training session without Cristiano Ronaldo.
🎙️Reporter: There was a moment during training when Dalot didn’t seem to be himself. Did you notice anything?
🗣️Bruno Fernandes: (Laughs) Yes, I did. Everyone was training, having fun and enjoying being back together. But suddenly, I noticed Dalot wasn’t looking like himself. Something felt wrong, so as the captain, after training, I walked over to him.
I said, “Hey buddy, I can see something is wrong.
This isn’t the Dalot I know. Is anything bothering you?”
He looked at me and said,
“So you expect me to be happy like the rest of you? I can see how happy everyone is, and honestly, it’s sad to watch.”
I looked at him and said, “Can you please make yourself clear?
Why are we supposed to be sad when everyone is back in training? Most importantly, nobody went missing on our way back home. We’re all here, and we all know the joy of representing this great nation.”
He immediately replied, “Did you just say nobody went missing?
Have you looked around to see whether the greatest of all time is among us?”
I was a little confused, and he continued, “I know you won’t understand because you’ve never seen him as the greatest of all time.”
I told him, “Listen, buddy, Cristiano Ronaldo has done his part, just like the legends who represented this shirt before him. And just like them, one day, we’ll also have to leave. That’s football.”
I told him to fix up, enjoy his time here and make every moment count because that’s exactly what these training sessions are meant for. We cannot spend our time looking back when we still have responsibilities ahead of us.
🎙️Reporter: Do you genuinely believe Ronaldo is the GOAT, as Dalot claims?
🗣️Bruno Fernandes: Absolutely. Cristiano is arguably the greatest player our nation has ever produced, and nobody can take that away from him. But that doesn’t mean I have to pick him over Messi.
I’m sure nobody needs to be offended by that. It’s a simple football opinion, and you don’t have to turn every disagreement into hatred.
I can respect Cristiano, appreciate everything he’s done for Portugal and still believe Messi is the greatest player I’ve ever seen. Those things can exist together.
@ChinoUTD Why getting emotional 😂
🚨 Karim Benzema gets emotional talking about the day Cristiano Ronaldo wanted him to score more than he wanted a hat-trick:
“When people ask me about Cristiano, I sometimes think about standing with a ball in my hands.
Alaves at home. He had already scored twice. We won a penalty, and he let me take it.
Everybody knows what another goal means to Cristiano. You can imagine what I would have said.
‘You have two already.’
‘And you need this one. Take it.’
For somebody watching, it is a penalty at the end of a game we are winning. For a striker going through a difficult period, that walk towards the spot can feel much longer.
You have missed chances. You can hear the disappointment. You begin thinking about your next opportunity before the ball has even reached you.
Then the teammate everybody expects to take the penalty gives you the ball.
He trusts you with another chance.
Earlier, I had helped create his first goal. He made sure people recognised my part in it. Those things stay with you because a striker knows how easily everything else can disappear behind the question, ‘Did you score?’
You can link the play, make the movement, give the final pass. Then you miss, and that is the moment everybody takes home.
Cristiano understood what I had given him.
Imagine him coming towards you after a difficult chance.
‘Keep going, Karim.’
‘I should have scored.’
‘Then score the next one. Stay with us.’
That last part matters. Stay with us.
When you are disappointed in yourself, it is possible to become very alone in a match surrounded by thousands of people.
A teammate can bring you back with a pass. A word. The way he celebrates something you did well.
I scored the penalty. But what I remember is the trust before I took it.
We had spent years learning each other’s football. I knew when he wanted the ball into his feet and when he was waiting to attack the space. He knew I could come away from goal and still help us hurt a defence.
There were conversations you could almost have with a look.
‘Come towards me.’
‘And then you go?’
‘You know.’
That understanding takes work. It also takes generosity. Sometimes one player makes the run and the other gets the goal. You have to enjoy the move together.
I enjoyed helping Cristiano score. I could see what his goals gave the team. And that afternoon against Alaves, he saw what one goal could give me.
People can discuss which of us benefited more from the partnership. I never thought about it like that while we were playing.
I wanted him to find me when I was free. He wanted me to see his run. We wanted Madrid to win.
And when one of us needed help, the other was close enough to notice.
That is why I remember the ball in my hands.
He could have walked towards the spot thinking about his third goal.
Instead, he gave me the chance to walk away thinking about my next one.”
🚨 Yan Diomande quick-fire questions about his Real Madrid teammates.
🎙️ Reporter: “Which player spends the most time on TikTok?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Vinícius Jr. That guy is always on his phone.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who plays the worst music in the dressing room?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Jude Bellingham. I don’t know who gave him control of the speaker.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Which teammate is the most difficult to defend in training?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Kylian Mbappé. His speed is ridiculous. You think you’ve caught him, then he’s already gone.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who spends the longest time in front of the mirror?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Definitely David Alaba. That man takes his appearance seriously.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who hates losing the most during training?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Federico Valverde. He treats every training session like a Champions League final.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who is the loudest on the team bus?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Vinícius, Rodrygo and Bellingham. Those three can turn a quiet bus into a nightclub.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Which teammate would you trust to cook dinner for you?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Thibaut Courtois. He looks like someone who knows what he’s doing.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Whose cooking would you refuse to eat?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Arda Güler. I love him, but I’m not taking any chances. Haha.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who is the funniest in training?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Brahim Díaz. That guy always has something to say.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who is the most aggressive in training?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Antonio Rüdiger. Sometimes you forget it’s just training.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Which teammate would you never want to face in a one-on-one?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Vinícius Jr. You need serious prayers before facing that guy.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who would you trust to take a last-minute penalty?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Kylian Mbappé. No hesitation.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who is the most underrated player in the dressing room?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Eduardo Camavinga. People don’t understand how important he is to this team.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who is the most loved player in the dressing room?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Luka Modrić. Everyone respects and loves him.”
🎙️ Reporter: “If you were stranded on a desert island, which teammate would you take with you?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Antonio Rüdiger. With that guy around, I don’t think anything could scare me.”
🚨 Yan Diomande quick-fire questions about his Real Madrid teammates.
🎙️ Reporter: “Which player spends the most time on TikTok?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Vinícius Jr. That guy is always on his phone.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who plays the worst music in the dressing room?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Jude Bellingham. I don’t know who gave him control of the speaker.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Which teammate is the most difficult to defend in training?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Kylian Mbappé. His speed is ridiculous. You think you’ve caught him, then he’s already gone.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who spends the longest time in front of the mirror?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Definitely David Alaba. That man takes his appearance seriously.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who hates losing the most during training?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Federico Valverde. He treats every training session like a Champions League final.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who is the loudest on the team bus?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Vinícius, Rodrygo and Bellingham. Those three can turn a quiet bus into a nightclub.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Which teammate would you trust to cook dinner for you?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Thibaut Courtois. He looks like someone who knows what he’s doing.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Whose cooking would you refuse to eat?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Arda Güler. I love him, but I’m not taking any chances. Haha.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who is the funniest in training?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Brahim Díaz. That guy always has something to say.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who is the most aggressive in training?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Antonio Rüdiger. Sometimes you forget it’s just training.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Which teammate would you never want to face in a one-on-one?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Vinícius Jr. You need serious prayers before facing that guy.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who would you trust to take a last-minute penalty?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Kylian Mbappé. No hesitation.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who is the most underrated player in the dressing room?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Eduardo Camavinga. People don’t understand how important he is to this team.”
🎙️ Reporter: “Who is the most loved player in the dressing room?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Luka Modrić. Everyone respects and loves him.”
🎙️ Reporter: “If you were stranded on a desert island, which teammate would you take with you?”
🗣️ Diomande: “Antonio Rüdiger. With that guy around, I don’t think anything could scare me.”
@tomisinfcb Time to move on I think
🚨Bruno Fernandes on what is next for Manchester United following Michael Carrick’s departure:
🎙️ Reporter: “Bruno, now that Michael Carrick is gone, what happens next for Manchester United? Can supporters expect a different team?”
🎙️ Bruno Fernandes: “Absolutely. I think Manchester United fans should be excited. Things are about to change.
“Let me tell you something. Carrick was holding me back. People have no idea how much I’ve struggled to play my natural game under him.
🎙️ Reporter: “Are you suggesting your poor performances were deliberate?”
🎙️ Bruno Fernandes: “Absolutely. I deliberately played below my level because I wanted the board to realise something wasn’t working. I knew eventually they would have to make a decision.
“Before Carrick arrived, I was carrying this team. Creating chances, scoring goals and taking responsibility when everybody else disappeared. Then suddenly, I became a different player.
🎙️ Reporter: “What should supporters expect from you now that he’s gone?”
🎙️ Bruno Fernandes: “The real Bruno Fernandes. I want my freedom back. I want to lead this team, dictate games and remind people what I’m capable of.
“Tell the supporters to relax. The captain is ready. The responsibility is back.
“I carried Manchester United before Carrick arrived. Now that he’s gone, it’s time to remind everyone who has been carrying this club all along.”
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