David Stratton

A loving tribute to Australia's finest film critic. Not the real David Stratton.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

Just went to see Deepwater Horizon. Seeing all that oil spew into the ocean reminded me of the time Margaret had a red wine vom in my pool.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

You're always going to get those awkward questions from kids.
"Grandpa, who is Robert DeNiro?"
I paused.
"He used to be an actor."

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

Young people are always searching for the 'key to happiness'. Hot tip kids - the difference between these photos is literally 3 margaritas.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

Sorry I haven't been online in over a year, my BigPond was down. Luckily Telstra gave me priority service because I'm a celebrity.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

Stay tuned after the end credits of The Hateful Eight for a gratuitous, lingering close up of Uma Thurman's arse.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

Last tweet was a little harsh on Adam Sandler. I fucking love Billy Madison after a visit to my herb garden.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

American Indians' claim that Adam Sandler's new film is culturally insensitive brings the words culture and Sandler too close for my liking.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

You can tell Star Wars is set in the future because Han Solo has realised diamond earrings don't suit 70 year old men.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

It's this time of year I'm grateful for retirement, after the measly 16 weeks of paid annual leave I got at the ABC.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

At my age the force awakens 3-4 times a night.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

Adelaide claims title of hottest city on the planet today. Officials in Baghdad furious, but can still claim to have better night life.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

Following SES advice I've been bunkered down in my home cinema with a bottle of Grey Goose. Is the storm finished? Because this bottle is.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

Anyone else going to a midnight screening of The Dressmaker tonight?

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

Disgusted at having paid almost double for Nurofen tablets that promised to directly target 'shakey-cam' pain.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

Friend texted me asking why I'd come back on Twitter.
I replied with a selfie giving the thumbs up, with an empty bottle of Grey Goose.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

Highlight of ABC Xmas party was Barrie Cassidy slipping over in Mark Scott's vomit and screaming "Argh, my back!" Mark Scott just laughed.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

Quentin Tarantino's The Hateful 8 has been given a R18+ rating. Or as Margaret says - "Finally, some slightly hard mainstream shit".

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

The toddler/pensioner bookends of life share several similarities. The word 'involuntary' is definitely the saddest.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

Lots of people asking what I've been up to since At The Movies finished up.

Train surfing, mostly.

[David Stratton @DavidStratton9]

After avoiding my third potential confrontation of the day, I came to the sad realisation that I AM a man to be trifled with.