David Walters

[David Walters @DavidWalters25]

Interviewer: Describe a time you were able to remain calm under pressure
Me: The other day I had to poop really bad. I had the wherewithal and dexterity to wipe the seat AND place the toilet seat cover without ripping it to shreds just before I sat down.
Interviewer: You're hired

[David Walters @DavidWalters25]

Anyone heard from Queen Latifah lately? She doing okay?

[David Walters @DavidWalters25]

You know it's getting cold when you fart in the car with your heat on and don't even roll the window down to let the smell out amiright oh you don't do that haha me either

[Jaden @jaden]

Travel Is So Expensive Cause They Don't Want You To See The World.

[David Walters @DavidWalters25]

Man in first grade my teacher used to randomly take the class into the gym, bust out the rolling tv cart, and throw in a RICHARD SIMMONS VHS for us to just get hype to. After that stopped everything about school was just one big disappointment until graduation.

[David Walters @DavidWalters25]

Are you really vegan if you don't have a shirt that says so?

[David Walters @DavidWalters25]

Yo....
if is not=isn't
are not=aren't
have not=haven't
should not=shouldn't
WHY DOES "BUT NOT" NOT=BUTN'T???

[David Walters @DavidWalters25]

What if eating upside-dwn-microwaved popcorn cures cancer BUT NO 1 WILL EVER KNOW bc no 1 is willing to risk an entire bag of popcorn to see

[David Walters @DavidWalters25]

Does any1 rly know what happens if u microwave a bag of popcorn "upside down"?? What are the popcorn ppl hiding?? Is it that dangerous??

[David Walters @DavidWalters25]

Whenever I get teriyaki to go I grab chopsticks to show that I'm super cultured, but I always end up using a fork when no one is watching.

[Bleacher Report @BleacherReport]

20 years ago today, the world was introduced to Kazaam

[David Walters @DavidWalters25]

My mom's gonna be so mad at me for posting a pic with an alcohol in… https://t.co/fIhVN7paQ7

[David Walters @DavidWalters25]

@jonbellion BRO. YES. #TheHumanCondition

[David Walters @DavidWalters25]

#FlashBackFriday to last Sunday when @253sdonny @kylejeffreyy and I… https://t.co/SEyXbk6kGu

[Judah Smith @judahsmith]

What could have been. #sonicup

[(parody) BILL NYE THO @Bill_Nye_Tho]

if you laid a blue whale lengthwise across an nba basketball court, they would have to cancel the game #facts

[David Walters @DavidWalters25]

To whom it may concern:
THE WORDS "APART" AND "A PART" HAVE 2 VERY DIFFERENT MEANINGS.
APART= separated from
A PART= portion of a whole