Davis Townes

[Davis Townes @DavisTownes]

@blondsicle a horse that has the personality of a military officer? SURE. A band of ruffians sing show tunes? WHY NOT. But my thing?! NOPE.

[Davis Townes @DavisTownes]

@blondsicle BUT WAS IT GOOD ENOUGH?! NOOOOOO, apparently a reverse Rapunzel that heals you but makes your HAND old doesn't make sense!!

[Davis Townes @DavisTownes]

@blondsicle I had an excellent, potentially canonical answer.

[Davis Townes @DavisTownes]

@blondsicle MY WIFE NEEDS TO STOP TESTING FATE WITH THE SPOILRRS BY GETTING OFF TWITTER! CAUSE YOU KNOW SHE GON SECOND HAND SPOIL ME!

[Davis Townes @DavisTownes]

@GoNintendoTweet if you put a stick in a regular hot dog with a bun, does it turn into a corn dog?

[Davis Townes @DavisTownes]

“@TheOnion: 32-Year-Old Still Not Entirely Sure Where Body Stands With Lactose https://t.co/pXyDiIcQGh”@blondsicle

[Davis Townes @DavisTownes]

“@TheOnion: Disney World Forced To Euthanize Character That Attacked Visitor https://t.co/i7wSmgTvEe”@blondsicle

[witwix @witwix]

Fuck it giving away the 3D World Wii U, retweet and follow to enter, drawing winner when I return from Vegas. Never done a Twitter giveaway.

[Overwatch @PlayOverwatch]

You're invited!

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Pizza Hut Unveils New Cheese-Stuffed Delivery Boy https://t.co/TqrW2MUAEx

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Report: Bananas Still Most Popular Fruit For Pretending To Receive Phone Call https://t.co/JD2MLkoo08

[Davis Townes @DavisTownes]

“@TheOnion: Algebra Notebook Forced To Bear The Brunt Of Teen’s Song Lyrics https://t.co/yFT9gOtqgV”@blondsicle

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Woman Who Had Almost Formed Healthy Sense Of Self Rejoins Social Media https://t.co/0eApwj1wLN

[The Onion @TheOnion]

4 Copy Editors Killed In Ongoing AP Style, Chicago Manual Gang Violence https://t.co/Iz4rUEuGFZ

[ClickHole @ClickHole]

When A Pregnant Woman Couldn’t Find A Seat On A Train, This Man Stood On His In Solidarity https://t.co/gAdPo4xwKG

[Davis Townes @DavisTownes]

“@TheOnion: Area Man Treats Girlfriend To Sumptuous 20-Second Massage https://t.co/5ntuPzdouQ”@blondsicle

[Davis Townes @DavisTownes]

@blondsicle just don't use Ron's wand or.. 💣

[Davis Townes @DavisTownes]

@blondsicle dang, where's Lockhart when you need him to put his memory charm on you?!?

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Mom Calmly Emptying Dishwasher As If Shrieking Argument Didn’t Happen 10 Minutes Ago https://t.co/wRTbZUdUNv

[Davis Townes @DavisTownes]

“@TheOnion: Blog Post Read By Mother To Shape Child’s Next 18 Years https://t.co/6s2pHTio3F”@blondsicle