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[Wilinfeels @wilinfeels]

When tf did they stop painting speed bumps yellow 😡😡I was just in the air

[Liv 🐻 @prentissliv]

My fat ass just accidentally said “Texas Roadhouse massacre” instead of chainsaw

[hey @loveheqrts]

the balloons inside the box at the gender reveal

[Eren 💋 @erenfromtargets]

This girl at my job tryna warm her food with aluminum foil , I told her she can't do that she said "I'm new here I ain't know" girl you can't do that anywhere…

[Neet @neet_sol]

Sending emails at work? Like the thing Epstein did?

[Ms.Ifss♡ @_ifssss]

i used a man’s body wash this morning and i have already lied 6 times.

[Yoriyori-OyokO💕🎀 @Ify__oma]

Me when someone ruins my dramatic moment with logic and common sense

[kk 🌞 @cutiegurlk8]

type of shit u start noticing when u have no cell service in the tunnels

[Uncle Marky, CFA @BobbyClittJr]

No one:

Guy that owns a blackstone: I’ll make breakfast tomorrow

[menace @Kroniebits]

How much would I have to drink for a mosquito to instantly die from alcohol poisoning when it bites me

[Jerms @NotLordJerms]

you put 16 items on the table cashier gon ask if you want a bag like nah ima just shove all this shit up my ass

[miia @miiagarro]

men be scared you're gonna use them for their $147 dollars

[Juice @DustyWhoads]

TSA gonna have you hanging by your ankles

[cha$e @jehovahsflyest]

They letting anybody be realtors these days. I wouldn’t buy a gingerbread house from you bitches