David Schlussel

writer/director/father/DJ

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

@Womacksisters You are all amazing

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

How insecure are insurance companies? Every time you get a bill, they're like "here's what we covered, but like THIS is what you should have been paying!"

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

CHOPPAH https://t.co/dProH42qL3

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

Who here thinks their astrological sign is the best sign?

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

A year is still 365 days right? Because this 2020 is taking forever.

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

Probably the most fun I’ve ever had playing hockey. Nothing better than doing that hockey with my boy. https://t.co/sr5oGZien0

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

DJ https://t.co/bd9t8vu6N4

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

@StevieWonder I’ve made a short film that shows how much I love you. Hope it enters your world somehow. https://t.co/XATcTIHt9L

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

Just posted a photo https://t.co/nqQUpT2tHV

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

This Supreme Court ruling makes me wonder truly how small America’s penis must be.

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

Just posted a photo https://t.co/EICcHu5tv8

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

Just posted a photo https://t.co/kDmQXUtrW4

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

Powerful word “THE” is because there is a huge difference between something being Shit and something being THE shit.

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

Chris Rock, unafraid, is going to write a lot of Kada hinkitt-Trith jokes.

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

Runyon Canyon is really having a moment. #runyoncanyon #glam https://t.co/K0YQvPEqgI

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

@PFF WHERE IS WAYNE!?!?!?!

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

My 15 year old son just said “can I say no thanks to inheriting the world?”

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

Just posted a photo https://t.co/RHQV9DqCkN

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

It's really frustrating when the physicians assistant makes you get naked before the doctor gets to see the outfit you carefully curated.

[David Schlussel @DazueKey]

I want to be a billionaire heiress. Looks like fun. Where do I send my resumé?