Annalise

BAFTA Award Winner. WARNING: A lot of what I say only makes sense in my head.

[Annalise @DeadAirDevil]

Me: *Thinks about using twitter again after years away*
Me, 30 seconds later:

[Callan @CodexVsTheWorld]

I wrote you a little song. It's called, "Stop including me in group texts or I'm going to cut you."

[Annalise @DeadAirDevil]

My cat just showed up after 5 days missing. I haven't seen him since spotting a fox in the garden. So relieved.

[Annalise @DeadAirDevil]

"Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday." -Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.

[Annalise @DeadAirDevil]

I have to wait over a week to get a Sky engineer out to fix my satellite dish. Thank god for @NetflixUK.

[Annalise @DeadAirDevil]

@TheAnarchangel Poor baby.

[Annalise @DeadAirDevil]

I feel worse after sleeping nine hours than I do after sleeping four.
Logic.

[Annalise @DeadAirDevil]

@TheAnarchangel No. 😂

[Max @SamuraiMaxx]

Quite the phallic shaped plane you've got there, Rio. #Rio2016

[Annalise @DeadAirDevil]

He kind of butchered Gisele's name.

[Annalise @DeadAirDevil]

@TheAnarchangel @SamuraiMaxx I hate you. 😞
#loljk
#NotReally
#ButReally

[Annalise @DeadAirDevil]

Oh well. I guess this is happening.

[Annalise @DeadAirDevil]

Donald Trump possible president of the US. Theresa May possible prime minister of the UK...I don't want to live on this planet anymore. 😒

[Callan @CodexVsTheWorld]

I just saw a guy in his early twenties smoking a pipe.
No! You stop that, you poser!

[Annalise @DeadAirDevil]

My aunt's ex-boyfriend's postman's brother said it on Facebook so I don't think any further research is necessary.

[Annalise @DeadAirDevil]

@TheAnarchangel Damn. Dat body!

[Annalise @DeadAirDevil]

The chances of me going to a party increase 100% if they have a dog.

[nakedidiot @nakedidiot]

First rule of Vegan Club is you should never talk about fucking Vegan Club.

[Eva @TuckingFypo]

To be honest, I thought all this was a dream, so I stopped paying my bills a year ago.