Amy Allan's Rx

Is something haunting your home? Amy Allan knows exactly what to do. This is a parody account. #deadfiles

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

I think we all know women are better at contacting ghosts anyway. #Ghostbusters

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

I think we all know women are better at contacting ghosts anyway. #Ghostbusters

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

If you sense your pillows slightly cooler tonight, you might have a spiritual sportscaster hanging around. May he rest in peace.

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

The presence of spirits are indicated by cold spots. The entire country must be haunted this week.

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

A butch ghost calls for a badass medium. Look for bandanas and crystal pendants shaped like skulls.

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

Halloween is surprisingly the day with the lowest paranormal presence. Spirits do their best to keep things unpredictable.

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

New episodes of the #DeadFiles return November 1. On an unrelated note, This house is haunted by toil and revenge.

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

If you’re getting 8 different hauntings in a row, your ghosts might be binge spooking. Cancel their GhostFlix subscription.

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

If a mystical ghost wolf is haunting the perimeter of your house, install a doggie door to the great beyond.

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

If you find that sage doesn't work in your fight against hauntings, try rosemary and thyme. Doesn't work? At least everything smells nice.

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

To cleanse this house of evil spirits, you'll need to find a pastor who isn't going to look at you like you're a wicked heathen. Good luck!

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

You'll need to bring in 6 mediums: A mental medium, a physical medium, a psychic medium, a small medium, a large medium and a medium medium.

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

The spirit that haunts your house has severe abandonment issues. Find a supernatural therapist or social worker to deal with these issues.

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

I hear this ghost say that he hates women. The other ghosts are telling him to stop and keep tweeting him with #NotAllGhosts #ghostfeminism

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

The reason you keep seeing reflections on the wall and hearing the Bee Gees at night is because your house is haunted by the ghost of disco.

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

The spirits haunting your house have quieted down because of the #EverySimpsonsEver Marathon. You've got 10 days to find a priest.

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

A demon is wreaking havoc in your basement. Flood your entire basement with holy water and contact a shaman plumber.

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

Your house is being haunted by the spirit of an old plantation owner's dog. Please find a paranormal veterinarian with a blessed squeak toy.

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

In order to properly rid your home of its evil spirits, you need to contact a rabbi with the ability to tap into his hypnogogic states.

[Amy Allan's Rx @DeadFilesCures]

The spirit dressed the black hat sits in unrest. To guide him in his journey to the beyond, you need a metaphysical haberdasher.