Dean Wilber

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov toxic masc is the fact that a man can get validation from having sex w a woman regardless of whether she assents or not

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov I think we're seeing lt-wing violence instead of rt-wing violence is 3 branch govt rt-wing + ICE is rousting immigrants etc. Compare to Obama term

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov Using a gun or a bomb or other such doesn't help one regulate their emotions.  The technology has a dramatic effect, but your mind doesn't develop.

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov Such a program helps one to deliberately regulate their emotions rather than being subject to the vicissitudes of the social and physical environment, or acting out with extreme violence to try to quickly control the problem.

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov One might change one's view of oneself to include regular exercise or meeting attendance, or other daily habits.

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov Many people will become aware of the problem and then just punish themselves, with depression or something.  Growth involves following through with a plan over a period of time.

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov One needs to have a more realistic view of oneself, and admit there is a problem.  Then one needs a plan to enact the change.

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov It makes sense that our moral sense would be developed as well. ICMs are involved in changing oneself, such as fitness or weight loss, or addiction recovery.

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov It takes practice to hold in mind a complex, nuanced understanding of a person.  The history of art in Western Civilization follows a development of techniques over many thousands of years.

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov It's like drawing.  When one first learns to draw, they typically create cartoonish images with stereotyped features.  As one gets more skilled, they are able to produce more photorealistic representations, though sometimes a cartoon can serve the purpose.

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov Forgiveness involves Idealized Cognitive Models.  It could mean abandoning an ICM for a more realistic view, or accepting that some other is comparing one to an ICM, and not being offended.

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov i think the proCK ppl feel out of control and snapping back at the antiCK posts makes them feel in control

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov i think firing people for not properly mourning CK is a test of faith

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov I think we need infinite universal love not just love of individuals. You can't shoot for love bc you leave someone out it's not universal

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov CK was shot bc TJ wanted to feel loved. Conservative family, love present? My Dad was conservative and he knew how to punish me w/o leaving marks. Maybe he had to 2xdown bc of his txgf

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov racism, pro-con enmity, etc. let us express our bad intent so we can be nice to our in-group

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov We're responsible for our actions, subject to consequences, because we learn from consequences.  There are consequences for all, so it behooves us to try to prevent such things.  We need to ritualize the process of getting over childhood, rather than shoot 4end

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov But we can also spiral out of control when faced with new stressors.  Like the transition from adolescence to adulthood. New relationships, etc. One might be tempted by a quick fix to find significance, being a hero, with bad intent, so a bad idea may appeal3

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov Practically everyone had bad experiences growing up.  So just about everyone has a little shame or perception of bad intent towards ourselves.  Because we reconstruct memories, as adults we can reduce the severity, like with CBT.2

[Dean Wilber @DeanWilber2]

@JessicaTarlov This argument is hypothetical tho I will try to spice it with facts.  We don't exactly recall memories like plucking a photo from an album.  We reconstruct them with bits of info from the original event & other info we collect, & beliefs & feelings etc.1