Santa T. Claus

Professional Jollytician
'Dear Santa' letter reader

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

I understand budgets are tight, but please, if you hang socks instead of stockings, wash them first. #fungus

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

@HeroOfXMAS Thank you for your concern. My sled’s wifi was out for most of the ride.

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

If it wasn’t for all this milk, I think my knees would have given out a century ago. There’s a reason “giant red sacks” aren’t big sellers at REI. #backsupport

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

@pinkbunnyr I forgot my wallet and had to double back, but we’re on track now! Merry Christmas!

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

This is not me, btw. I’m more of a melee weapon guy.

[EPCSheriff @EPCSheriff]

Guess who came in to receive his Concealed Handgun Permit today? 🎅

Did you know the El Paso County Sheriff's Office has issued 49,750 Concealed Handgun Permits with another 2,560 awaiting to be issued?

For more info please visit our website:
https://t.co/AbGrPigOUZ

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

@lyss8liss @sherryrose @TravelingJess I’ll do what I can. I believe someone reserved these two for a 6 year old’s tea party with her imaginary friends.

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

@sherryrose I have a special login, but I appreciate the extra effort.

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

@pinkbunnyr Our candy canes only come in “raspberry blast blue” and there aren’t enough microchips for the “smart rocking horses” but we’re doing well otherwise.

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

Thank you Governor. It’ll be nice not to be shot at when I pass over New Jersey this year. 🤞

[Governor Phil Murphy @GovMurphy]

BREAKING: I am hereby declaring Santa Claus an essential worker.

Effective IMMEDIATELY, Santa and Mrs. Claus, with their elves and reindeer – including Rudolph – are permitted to fly in and around New Jersey from Christmas Eve into Christmas morning.

Merry Christmas! 🎄

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

@artsensitive You saw nothing. Go back to sleep.

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

@violettheraven Thank you Violet. That’s very kind of you. I’ve been changing masks every timezone, but the more the merrier.

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

Let’s not rush and do something we’ll both regret. #savesanta

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

If you spot me wearing a mask in your house, it’s nothing personal. I want to set a good example. Ok, and some of you aren’t washing your clothes often enough with work from home in place.

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

@sherryrose @KaceyMusgraves That feels like a good compromise. A real hippo wound cause too much damage.

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

@pinkbunnyr I am well. But I have the nagging feeling I should be doing something... 🤔

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

It’s Baby Yodas at this point, but basically accurate.

[Matt Wallace is Updates Only @MattFnWallace]

*David Attenborough voice* Santa, emerging from its split chrysalis, carapace now fully hardened, larval stage just a distant dream. Santa will consume thousands of elves in the coming weeks to sustain its final form. Those that remain will mold Santa’s royal jelly into Furbies.

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

@JFreitasFX I’d like to think I look a little more graceful, but, alas, it’s probably accurate.

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

@BuffaloGrlProbs You’re welcome.

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

@magarcia34 Every year I try bringing them enlightenment, education and compassion, but they call me a fat freeloading elf and turn me away.

[Santa T. Claus @DearestSanta]

@maleficus13 Mine? Nobody wants that.