Thomas Xeo

Syrian Civil War veteran, retired at 29. Currently serving as The Dude.

[Thomas Xeo @DecafToaster]

@Kate_L_Mosso Right ?

[Thomas Xeo @DecafToaster]

Story of my life.

[heisDJBee aka Beesus @beesustheDJ]

05.20.26 ⏺️ Recording Mem Weekend Mixes for Majic 102.3 FM DC + 4p ET Freestyle & Breakers Raid https://t.co/N3wJqCCmcl

[Thomas Xeo @DecafToaster]

"I'll have you know I was actually carrying *two* skateboards."

[Thomas Xeo @DecafToaster]

Sent from my iPhone

[Thomas Xeo @DecafToaster]

Okay chat, I’m done cooking. Hold on to your diapies, babies, we’re goin’ in!

I am apparently the only living person on this planet that has met the prerequisite XP (92 is halfway to 99) and quests (main quest line completion) to fulfill our society’s prophecy of the (statistically likely) event we get fed up with ignorance and achieve god-hood over our own id and ego; self-awareness. (Thanks Todd)

The prophecy also says, “Ask this guy some questions because he figured out that self-care is paramount and there is a scientific harmony of two personalities in the human mind, regardless of being born of uncertain circumstances (Todd, again). He is the last homo sapien to ensure a life of loneliness.”

Basically, it’s my big fat blue stamp of verification from your 2025-year-old local library’s allegory of locally-generated literature.

“Listen to The Dude because The Dude abides.”

Otherwise I would look like a proper psychopath right now. That’s what the god-hood quest crap was for. Now it’s my turn to share everything I have been holding in this stupid brain addicted to learning. FINALLY.

Since this information had to survive into the indefinite future (time-travel), it was engrained into every subculture as a global long-term storage medium. And here you thought we weren’t biomechanical PCs ambulating in meat suits. Hah! I was right after all.

So anyways, I wirelessly downloaded this information from the past, and ate some marshmallows (my id has been asking for sugar to COOK) while id did all the work. It’s like AI but Automated Intelligence. Built right in. It was there the whole time. Surprise. Here’s your blue pill, folks. I am simply a product of statistics and genetics. Sorry we didn’t stop at the party, Professor.

“Damn it, Jim, I’m an Intel 80286, not a philosopher!”

Love,
Tommy

[Thomas Xeo @DecafToaster]

Of course I fucking fat-fingered it. Mr. freeman please do not yell at me 😞

[Thomas Xeo @DecafToaster]

You can do it I know you can

[Thomas Xeo @DecafToaster]

"Here's the latest news: Unemployment is down, stocks are up, and the U.N. has just declared global peace forever!"

[Thomas Xeo @DecafToaster]

@sewermuck You are absolved.

[Thomas Xeo @DecafToaster]

Money costs time. I have plenty of time.

[Thomas Xeo @DecafToaster]

@emotions_ix Yes.

[Thomas Xeo @DecafToaster]

@anxietymsgs Myself, so I can be at peace.

[Anaya @Anaya_sharma876]

First reason to hate windows

[DOOM @DOOM]

DOOM

[Thomas Xeo @DecafToaster]

@DOOM This is correct.

[Thomas Xeo @DecafToaster]

Thanks Dave. I’ll have the number 2.

[Dave @GamewithDave]

Which one are you picking?

[IGN @IGN]

The soundtrack of the original 1993 Doom has been inducted into the National Recording Registry. #Doom

[Lost Internet @LostMemeArchive]

The Original Winamp Interface