DelusionalDieting

If there's lettuce, it's a salad.

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

@ChickfilA Could you please make Spicy Chicken Nuggets? It's the only thing missing from my well balanced diet. #delusionaldieting #dietgoals

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

Eating less means burning less calories. Eating more means burning more calories. It's just science. #delusionaldieting #dietgoals @goldencorral

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

When eating pizza, always have a bottle of @Heineken. When you lift the Heineken to your sweet lips you burn more calories than without Heineken. #delusionaldieting #dietgoals #HeinekenExperience

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

When picking the healthiest pasta, always go with the longest. It takes longer to get them all the way in your mouth so you burn more calories. #delusionaldieting #dietgoals @Barilla

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

If you put Frank's Red Hot Sauce on it, that shit burns the calories right out. #delusionaldieting @dietgoals @FranksRedHot

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

Grilled chicken is better for you than fried chicken. So, I draw grill marks on my fried chicken with an edible marker to make them healthier. #delusionaldieting #dietgoals @Sharpie @PopeyesChicken

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

Pro tip: Eat dessert first, then you will be too full to finish your meal. Saving you a ton on meal calories. (Full Disclosure: This works about 28.6% of the time) #delusionaldieting #dietgoals @Entenmanns

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

When I eat a piece of cake, I like to think it's half of a larger piece of cake. Then I say, "Look at me, only eating half a piece of cake!" #delusionaldieting #dietgoals @BettyCrocker

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

Tip for a healthy grilled cheese: Use Mayo instead of Mayonnaise. Less letters mean less calories. #delusionaldieting #dietgoals @Hellmanns

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

Eating things that give you gas is a great way to get rid of that pesky excess nitrogen that's weighing you down. #delusionaldieting #dietgoals @TacoBell

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

When in doubt cover it in cheese. If you can't see what's in it, there are no calories. #delusionaldieting #dietgoals @KraftBrand @KraftSingles

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

@Doritos are vegetarian. Vegetables are healthy. Doritos are healthy. #delusionaldieting #dietgoals

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

Today, I'm #fasting. So, If I can eat this whole burrito in under a min, the calories don't count... ready... 3... 2... 1... #delusionaldieting #dietsgoals @tacobell

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

Anything you eat outside is #Paleo . #delusionaldieting #dietgoals

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

I never buy anything fat free... I don't need any more fat, even if it is free AF. #delusionaldieting #dietgoals

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

@Doritos are made from corn. Corn is a vegetable. Ranch is a salad dressing. Cool Ranch Doritos are salad. #delusionaldieting #dietgoals #coolranchdoritos

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

If you Eat and Tweet at the same time... You are burning a lot more calories than just eating alone. @Twitter #delusionaldieting #dietgoals

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

I cover a lot of things in chocolate. Because if you cant see it, it's not really calories. #delusionaldieting @dietgoals @Hersheys

[DelusionalDieting @DelusionalDiet]

When selecting which donut is the healthiest, I go for the one without sprinkles. It's less calories. #delusionaldieting #dietgoals @dunkindonuts

[Alana P @alanapeters7]

"Salad" - that means it's good for me, right? #foxnhounds #delusionaldieting https://t.co/8YS5xK29c2