Dene Carlile

Whiskey fanatic. Designer. Traveller & taster of all things delish!

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

Mommy sleep training baby John:
“Shhh shhh duduz baby...”

John sleep training baby John:
“Man up this is not Girl Scouts.”
“Hierdie is niks nie jou oupa hulle was op die grens.”
“Anne frank lived 5km from here.”
“Volkspele was baie erger.”

#babyjohn #sleeptraining

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

Emerging after sleep training a 6 month old for an hour and a half...

John: “why are we making him cry? He likes it here!”

#babyjohn #sleeptraining #daddyisasofty

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

@Eduard_K74 We are neighbours now Eduardo!! :) Will definitely be popping over for a pint of the black stuff!

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

John looking intensely at baby john’s head...

“Hierdie whale ding op jou kop freak my uit.”

It’s his fontanel John. Not a blow hole.

#babyjohn #dadjokes #afrikaans

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

Setting up my express bra, feeling free because I can use both hands again.

John: “You’ve see the movie Austin Powers right?...”

#kidsgotjokes #femebot #babyjohn

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

Me looking at baby John in the morning: “awe he’s getting such a beautiful shape to his face.”

John brushing teeth leans over and looks at him...

“She’s in love with the shape of you.”

#babyJohn #daddyisaclown #EdSheeran

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

“I should start speaking English to him...but because he looks like an Afrikaans boy, I keep speaking Afrikaans to him.” *John falls off chair laughing*

#babyjohn #speakenglish #trilingual

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

So far motherhood is a hoot.

One minute your baby is happily farting on your lap...

The next, you’re cleaning sh!t off his shoulders.

Oh the excitement!
#babyJohn #whatsnext #thejoysofmotherhood

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

Walking through Vondelpark
Me: imagine what it must be like to be a baby, to see things for the first time. Like that dog... “Look at that! What a noisy, funny-looking thing!”
John: ...said the dog.

#newdad #dadjokes #babyjohn #babycarlile2019

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

Me: you must cuddle baby John while he’s so small, he won’t be like this for long.
*John holds baby John close & breathes deeply...taking in the moment...places him in front of his face and looking into his eyes says...

“You smell like a jersey cow.”

#daddy #babycarlile2019

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

Me: look John, he’s got your weird feet as well, poor thing.

J: Indeed. I’m glad I saw him come out of you or we would have no idea he’s yours.

#notfunny #babycarlile2019

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

Me, finally finding some resemblance of myself in baby John: he has long eyelashes, those are probably mine!

John: I have long eyelashes as well.

...can I just have one thing please?!

#babycarlile2019

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

Still pregnant 40 weeks 3 days. Relaxing. Sipping a morning coffee. Contemplating how to encourage labour.
Me: “John play some music while I think”
J: “sure thing.”
*immediately starts playing ‘walk it out’ by Unk.
#marriedaclown
#kidsgotjokes
#babycarlile2019

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

#Baby’s #duedate is 2 Feb.

If he arrives on time he’s like his mom. She will be highly impressed & very proud.

But if he’s more like John...well then we may as well just cover the floor&furniture in enough plastic to satisfy a Jewish grandmother & throw caution to the wind.

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

All are excited for the arrival of baby J, those that come visit tend to slot in a few coffees with us between seeing the parks and museums.

J: yes with that size belly I suppose you are quite the tourist attraction.

#thanks
#hugebelly
#40weeks
#babycarlile2019

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

Me: 39weeks and I feel like this baby is a little too comfortable.
Sis: Well, you did always enjoy your cooking...🤣
Me: True. I obviously like my babies like I like my roasts...basted and left in the oven for ages 🤣
#babycarlile2019 #bunintheoven

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

@Eduard_K74 He makes me cry he’s so funny 😂

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

Me: The baby is coming in like 2 weeks. We need to spend time together while we’re still happy and not tired and miserable.
J: Like Bear Grylls says. Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.
#babycarlile2019 #beargrylls #ontheway #cantmakethisup

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

D: So John, how are you feeling about the baby coming?
J: confident. I’ve been keeping Lazarus alive, so I should be fine.

Lazarus is our house plant. You only have to water him once every 2 weeks. I’m slightly worried.
#babycarlile2019 #parenting #slightlyconcerned

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

@Eduard_K74 You can just envision it 😂

[Dene Carlile @Dene_Carlile]

Younger sis has her #baby by c-section, high on #morphine and feeling chatty, strikes up a conversation with the nurses mid-operation:
“So, do you ladies watch Grey’s anatomy?”
#GreysAnatomy #painkillers #hilarious