united states of aDereka

Inventor of the Bluetooth microwave. I pretend to be gay to hook up with lesbians.

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

@G_Hoey @UFCEurope absolutely. the slo-mo replay of the first kick showed his foot was compromised from the beginning. explains the lack of promotion in the lead-up to the fight

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

“Defeat is but an altar where we learn and falter.”

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

home setup🥊

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

“It is more civilized to make fun of life than to bewail it.”
- Seneca

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

Sophisticated people listen to classical music. Meanwhile I have Ghost With A Boner by Diarrhea Planet stuck in my head.

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

Grocery chains can end this trend of commercials where customers are in awe of what a great deal they’re obtaining. With the current manufactured inflation nobody has their jaw on the floor with excitement over the low cost of food.

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

“Kindness to the cruel is cruelty to the kind.”

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

#TheSimpsons

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

#Loafs

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

#tbt

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

“Siri, play Baby Shark - Acoustic (Live & Unplugged).”

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

ah yeah when yer as girthy as I am they start namin’ dilders after ya👍

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

movie idea: a Liar Liar sequel where it applies to every politician on the planet and instead of a 24-hour window it’s indefinite

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

No breast for the wicked (if you’re evil you don’t get tits).

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

I’d be home by now if a Taylor Swift impersonator and some guy weren’t sitting in my restaurant after last call for an hour. Way to fully impersonate her, personality and all.

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

“Yeah, I’m multi-lingual. I speak
1. English
2. Hockey Player Post-Game Interview Speak, and
3. Ontario High School French (I memorized a handful of words)”

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

The meaning of life is to give life meaning.

[united states of aDereka @DerekDumele]

🌙