Message to my past self:
Don't be so consumed by loving someone or holding on to them that you forget to ask the most important question: are they truly valuing the love you're giving?
Very tired today from doing so many other things apart from work... Now I want to reach home with the two bags of grocery shopping and it's so heavy... Trying to distract myself with something else on the way but it's damn heavy. And today I spent like 20 plus euros in cab itself
I am now doing a medical exam for breasts and I am very very afraid. I don't know why but I feel anxious.. I am trying to talk to myself and calm myself down. But I know everything will be okay so I don't need to worry... that is for sure. God bless me.
Now I am trying to finalise another little chunk but it will take like one or two days to finalise it. Let's see.. and then just changing something in intro.. checking the last chapters quickly if I find any mistake and then i give to my professors for checking it. All of it.
I am working a lot nowadays. Like 12 hours almost. With it I am managing medical appointments, car driving. I see my thesis completing in a week or may be before that. But now I am getting more anxious in completing it because it seems very near.
Car driving and medical exams seem to distract me. I have completed yesterday a major chunk that I was lost in for many months.. And nobody was there to discuss with me anything. Usually my supervisors never discuss proofs with me. They only tell me wrong and right if they see it
It's okay.. trust the timing. Manii you are the best believe it.. people you may know are not what they are, do not show what they feel, but you are not like this. Those who didn't see your importance, it's their big lose .. just trust and believe in yourself.
You are doing good maniii . Just don't get anxious.. you will be able to complete soon. Just try to balance. No sitting and working madly. You need to balance manisha.. it's okay if you have so many things to do. Just seek balance. Please don't have the urge to go into that mode
If it doesn’t fit, eventually it’ll hurt wearing it.
“One of the best pieces of advice I ever got:
If you want a calmer life, you need to address small problems while they’re still small.
The cost of dealing with an issue rarely gets cheaper with time.
Procrastination turns uncomfortable things into unavoidable things.” — @blakeaburge
Today laurennn ssss went and I am sad... Wrote him a beautiful letter with all my feelings inside it. He knows how much special he is now.. but anyways.. I should leave soon. Help me god to finish things please 🙏
This paragraph by Richard Feynman hits so hard:
“Fall in love with some activity, and do it! Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn’t matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough. Work as hard and as much as you want to on the things you like to do the best. Don’t think about what you want to be, but what you want to do. Keep up some kind of a minimum with other things so that society doesn’t stop you from doing anything at all.”
Why am I not singing dude... Why I am just trying to finish the last bit of work and thinking to sing after it..but the bit is not finishing... Goshh it's so frustrating and I don't like my supervisors anymore .. so much absent in this relationship.
Sometimes I feel i speak a lot and talk a lot. If left unchecked, I can go and on .. but note that it is mostly with people who I am comfortable with. But the urge to just make the person sitting opposite to me laugh never goes.. I feel so good when people smile around me.
I can see the finish line of my thesis.. this makes me feel fine or sometimes I feel relief but I am not happy with how things turned up. Though I think it helped me to understand things more. I am more confident but how much faster I could have done otherwise???
I still believe I will rise to a much higher place where my anger my frustration all goes away. Where I reach and feel that all of it makes sense now.. and until then I will stop myself to think any such things about that man.. his trajectory he knows and mine I will make!!!
Whatsoever I do.. I will never forget this man.. and sometimes I become so angry that in my mind I think, I will never meet him in life...lol.. this is what hurting is doing to me.. on the other hand, that man I am talking about may not ever think about me even once.
I am happy with what I have and that is precious... I do not desire anything else from anyone but yess, fire is burning inside me.. and it needs to be put to work, for myself. Despite of all the tears, love and myself that I have given to this man..