Destro

Dont worry about it

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.

Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.

My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.

Called the county clerk.

Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.

Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?

Me: Yes, but he's a cat.

Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?

Me: He's a legal cat.

Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.

Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.

Clerk: You can file on his behalf.

Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."

Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."

Me: What's the medical reason?

Clerk: He's a cat.

Me: That's not a medical condition.

Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.

Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.

"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."

Took the letter to my vet.

Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.

Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?

Me: Excellent question. No good answer.

Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.

Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?

Vet: On what grounds?

Me: He's a cat.

Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."

Me: Perfect.

Sent it in. Got another rejection.

"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."

My roommate thought this was hilarious.

Roommate: Felix is going to jail.

Me: This is serious.

Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.

Decided that was actually the only option left.

Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.

Checked in at the courthouse.

Clerk: Name?

Me: Felix Martinez.

Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?

Me: Yes.

Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.

Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.

Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?

Me: I filed three. All rejected.

Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.

Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?

Me: Twice.

Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.

Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.

Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?

Me: You tell me.

Supervisor: This is a data error.

Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.

They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.

Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.

Me: Appreciate it.

Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?

Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.

Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.

For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.

Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.

Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.

Roommate: That's what they all say.

Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.

Fitting end to his legal career.

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@ejt007 @jadedhues Pop ult and nut at the same time

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@Flats_OW

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@Nyan_Katsumi @Callmebryar

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@DrewVento Forgot the part where it sits in Atlanta for 3 days

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@BritanniaArthur It depends, a girl I dated looked like the typical Asian, but I have seen more European appearing Kazakhs

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@F1BigData Hulkenberg fighting Alonso to see who can be the unluckiest driver in F1

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@WhiteBoyPenis Bro I had the same thought when I saw it

[Will.i.aint @Watchmakermaker]

Ok Europe, you are going to have to pick one:

1. Its unusually hot and you aren’t used to it
2. It’s always hot and actually hotter than the US (contradiction of #1)
3. Your homes are built to “retain heat” but not cold, weird if #2 is true
4. You just can’t afford AC

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@MattDeLuca @CyborgPeds Which is unfortunately what I have 🥲

[Vera @Drakesnarl]

I live in the southern US.

90%+ humidity with 90f-100f+ temps are a regular occurrence here.

I also don't have a/c to run to. Fans and cold drinks are it.

All Summer long, and partly into Fall unless we get lucky and get an early cold snap.

I don't wanna hear it.

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@jasonc_nc @nazzobetweeting That's how mine's made and it gets unbearable (20 degrees hotter than outside) when the sun's shining

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@KJVPopulist Wasn't New Jersey closer to flipping red than Texas was to flipping blue this past election?

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@NoContextBrits House construction doesn't matter when you're outside in the sun

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@PissWeak155289 @messedupfoods And the bottom could pop off or something to make it easier to get out

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@_Hazardous_Wolf @supertf

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@durpeehooves I had a friend that was possible one of the best console hanzo/genjis

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@MandyKnowsDC If she was paying attention (something you should be doing when you're driving), she would've seen it, too bad she's retarded

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@vishkar_junkrat What if it's 8 on the primary fire but 7 on the tracking shots? 🤔

[Destro @Destro55699039]

@JeremyNicolls Welcome aboard brother