ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ

𝙳𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚊𝚕𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚢?

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

𝘑𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘌𝘳𝘪𝘤 𝘊𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘦𝘭

ғᴀɴᴅᴏᴍʟᴇss ᴏᴄ
ᴍᴀᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇᴍᴇs
ᴍᴜsᴇ ᴏғ #Eᴛʜᴇʀᴇᴀʟ

𝙄'𝙡𝙡 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙝𝙪𝙧𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙢𝙚.

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 10 years, since 12 Jun 2013 (via @twi_age).

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 9 years, since 12 Jun 2013 (via @twi_age).

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 8 years, since 12 Jun 2013 (via @twi_age).

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

Happy twitterversary to me?

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 7 years, since 12 Jun 2013 (via @twi_age).

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

@QueenOf5thAve She’s good. And fat. Cause she eats everything.

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

He does. I’ve seen it.

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

@QueenOf5thAve Lucy hates it.

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

His micro dick.

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

@QueenOf5thAve [fixes his hair and adjusts his shirt] Alive. Kind of. ...mostly busy.

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

@QueenOf5thAve Okay fine I missed you too. Now lemme go.

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

Fortunately for me, I have none of those things. Sorry man.

[Officer Bryan Murphy @RecklessRogue_]

Ah! There it is. I knew you couldn't resist talking about it.

I already got gray hair and joint pain. All I need is a shriveled up persqueeter and I'm old as fuck.

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

@QueenOf5thAve Will you actually let go if I say yes?

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

@QueenOf5thAve If I tell you I missed you will you let me go?

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

@QueenOf5thAve Neck. I need that. I like breathing. Ow.

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

You’ll get it too. The gray hair. The joint pain. The shriveled up dick.

[Officer Bryan Murphy @RecklessRogue_]

Don't say that!

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

@QueenOf5thAve Please god no.

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

It happens to us all eventually.

[Officer Bryan Murphy @RecklessRogue_]

I feel like you missed the opportunity to make a dick joke.

You must be getting slow in your old age.

[ᴊ ᴀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴄᴀʀᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ @DetachedWit]

Can you?

[Officer Bryan Murphy @RecklessRogue_]

I can already see where you're going with this, Carmichael....