Justin Customer

Musician. Comedian. Bathrobe enthusiast. Bastion main. SIDS survivor.

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

i'm in that weird stage of life where I'm not a kid anymore but also I'm not dead yet

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

i know an un-farted-in elevator hate to see me comin

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

Purge murder idea: Unless it's Mulan, or you're dressed up in the character you're singing as, showtunes.

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

Welcome to Meeting Inc where you have meetings all week and then on Friday you have a meeting to discuss your meetings and if you say you don't think we should have so many meetings you'll have to have a meeting about that meeting

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

@sarahbochat 👀

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

@sarahbochat 💀💀💀

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

@JimDuncanRVA @WeatherAF bought you a bunch of bots

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

@ChrisAlanComedy It's expensive but it's worth it if you don't have cable/satellite. Especially for football.

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

@sarahbochat 😡

[ooh! little heat in that corn dip! @eightfoldpathPM]

trying to convince my wife to smoke cigarettes. come on. let's do it babe. let's smoke cigarettes.

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

Maryland could host the shooting events

[◥◤Kriston Capps @kristoncapps]

My hottest take is that D.C. should host the Olympics.

— The DMV doesn't need to build many new venues
— Metro needs a boost
— Paris built 30+ miles of protected bike lanes
— Global headlines about statehood
— A swimmable Potomac? Sure go nuts
— Set a deadline for downtown plan

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

Shout out to the true patriot taking a dump with me in this hot ass bathroom at nats park during the national anthem

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

@sidecarpat Hot Pat summer

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

@judgelanceito_ Yard fucker.

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

@sarahbochat The disparity in acting talent between William Shatner and James Spader is really something to behold.

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

@sarasvati_i

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

@judgelanceito_

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

@DrPhil @drdrew @DrOz why does tinned fish make my farts smell weird please I value your opinion as legitimate tv doctors who do legitimate tv work

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

Me: I have an important meeting at 11am that I cannot miss

My body: Heyyyy guess what time you have to poop? 🥰

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

@judgelanceito_ Went through that truck stop town dozens of times to visit my grandparents in Johnstown. We were partial to the Sunoco/pizza hut for pees and eats

[Justin Customer @DickCheney420]

Welsh is the reason that AI text looks so weird