#ShitJessSays

Yeah. She really just said that..

[#ShitJessSays @DidJessSayThat]

I feel like a potato next to Zac Efron. At dinner, people would say, "Zac, you don't gotta bring your own potato, we got some in the back!"

[#ShitJessSays @DidJessSayThat]

Taking communion at church thinking... "Wait...Is Jesus on my diet?" #ShitJessSays

[#ShitJessSays @DidJessSayThat]

"When I see your exes." #ShitJessDoes

[#ShitJessSays @DidJessSayThat]

*Watches Mets worker paint World Series onto field*

"There are starving kids in Africa, and this bitch is painting grass."

#ShitJessSays

[#ShitJessSays @DidJessSayThat]

*Dillon changes the channel*
*Jess rolls over*

"Whatcha watching!? The washing machine channel!?"

#ShitJessSays

[#ShitJessSays @DidJessSayThat]

"These socks keep my feet warm."

[#ShitJessSays @DidJessSayThat]

"Dill, we're getting married at a courthouse tomorrow. Iron your shirt."

#ShitJessSays #ShitDrunkJessSays

[#ShitJessSays @DidJessSayThat]

She does have nice boobs. I'd throw a dollar at them

[#ShitJessSays @DidJessSayThat]

To the scientist that decided Pluto is too small to be considered a planet..

I think your penis is too small for you to be considered a man

[#ShitJessSays @DidJessSayThat]

Jess: "Ask me anything."

Dill: "76ers?"

Jess: "No, not football!"

#ShitJessSays