DIJON MIKE

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

I put the word ‘mustard’ in ‘retarded’ ;)

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

If I found an alien I’d either fuck the shit out of it or just wouldn’t give a fuck I got too much going on fr

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

Gonna buy the foldable iPhone just so I can watch Derek Chauvin highlights on TWO screens

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

Whose trynna throw itch powder on a nigga with no arms

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

Imagine being one of the girls kidnapped by Epstein and you get put in front of Steven Hawking

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

Do you actually think I’m funny or do you just want to see my private parts

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

When you think about it fantasy football is just pokemon except with jacked black dudes

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

It’s crazy how your nose just produces infinite food

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

@BrickCenter_ How tf yall gonna let a dildo be thrown on the court and NOT SIT ON IT 🤦‍♂️ I woulda been bouncing on that shi like a pogo stick

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

PLEASE (and I cannot stress this enough) @KamalaHarris spit in my mouth

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

Parents got me so excited about puberty and then BOOM

ASS HAIR‼️🥀

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

Genuinely what would they do if I walked up and busted a fat one all over the nut free lunch table in elementary school

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

If the minions were real I’d hunt them for sport

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

My bulge is 90% balls‼️

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

Here I sit brokenhearted

Had to shit but only farted

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

MICROSOFT is a crazy thing to name your company.

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

The only shade of brown I fuck with is my grandmas chocolate milk.

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

Old heads believe in Israel same way kids be believing in Santa Claus

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

According to Oxford university, the queef sound is actually an ancient war cry that insinuates I am ready for some WAP.

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

Women go to school to become a RN. I was born one.

[DIJON MIKE @DijionMike]

FOUR SCORE, AND 11 BITCH ASS NIGGAS AGO #gettysburg