DirtyMoney

It takes a long time to clean something this dirty.

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

I've said it before and I'll say it again - poop should not be foamy.

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

@FartSandwich Are we on the same pooping schedule? I already clogged the office toilet today.

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

Wondering if my opening line to my latest Bumble match should be that they popped up while I was in therapy talking about being alone forever and nobody loving me. #howamisingle

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

Pro-tip: Don't go on Tinder when there's an Iron Man in town if you're lazy AF. #howamisingle 🔥

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

Just swiping away over here on Tinder in my sleep apnea mask. 🔥🎭 #howamisingle

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

Just popped two Valtrex. Who wants to party?

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

@FartSandwich @nickdk I didn't even see what this was in response to. All you have to do is type taco bell and I get a boner.

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

Hard partying as a 34 year old: masterbating after a shot of NyQuil. #sorrynotsorry #howamisingle #sundayfunday

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

One Yelp review about bed bugs and suddenly you're too good for my massage palor?!? #snob #hater

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

If I reply to your Tinder messages quickly, chances are I'm pooping. #poopingtimeistindertime

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

I strongly believe that all public restrooms should have Squatty Potties installed. #womensday

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Poop should not be foamy. #thankstacobell

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

Worst part about breaking up w/ a pizza delivery guy? Not being able to order pizza anymore. All bc I "may" have exposed him to herpes.

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

@FartSandwich I definitely have already purchased this twice. Once for my friend's 3 year old son. Once for my friend's 30th birthday. #win

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

All I want for Christmas is a Dash button for rubbers attached to someone else's credit card. #realtalk

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

Well, spent my break at work picking up Herpes medication. #singleandreadytomingle

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

Spent my Friday night emailing my Dr to ask for a Valtrex prescription. #howamisingle

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

Birthday anal.

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

When you don't feel like doing work, pooping is a good way to pile up some time. When you're in a time crunch, pooping at work is the shits.

[DirtyMoney @DirtyMoney]

Rule 1 of living alone: invest in a plunger. #clogged