Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor

Tireless in nest-feathering for our NHS. Named Britain's biggest grifter by Forbes. "Non-profit" beneficiary. I am a Doctor, but not doing anything useful.

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

As a prominent Doctor, I am often asked:
"Doctor, for whom will you be voting on May 7th?"
The simple answer is of course
"My bank account, darling" xx 💚

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

@PhilMyers53 What on Earth do you mean "THE GRIFTER"??

Don't you love me any more Philip?? xx 💙

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

@TimesRadio @DaleVince @Peter_Conradi If you’re going to have strong opinions on the climate catastrophe, the bare minimum requirement is better hair than this. I don’t make the rules, I just diagnose the audacity.

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

Jeremy, Darling...
If you ever felt inclined to remember us in your will, I promise we’d turn it into something loudly, chaotically, and unapologetically good.

[Jeremy Corbyn @jeremycorbyn]

No refugee underfunded a hospital. No refugee closed a school. No refugee gave tax breaks to the rich.

Instead of scapegoating refugees, let's tackle the real problem: an unjust economic system that concentrates wealth in the hands of the few.

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

@UKLabour I can't for one moment imagine they would have worse hair than Angela Rayner! No offence, darlings. xx

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

@UKLabour Euuurr!!! No matter how important you think you are—minister, mogul, or self-appointed emperor of a very small and unimpressive domain—there is simply no excuse for looking tatty. xx 💙👜

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

@RachelReevesMP Ah, Rachel Reeves, speaking of “the power of procurement” as if it’s some grand economic lever and not simply the sacred art I have been perfecting since birth. 👜

You go on about public value...
I’ll be in my lair, procuring things the Treasury doesn’t have categories for.

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

Procurement? Darling, I once acquired a taxidermied peacock, three identical kettles, and a man named Clive in a single afternoon. No tender process. No oversight. Just vibes and an untraceable card. xx 💙💙

[Rachel Reeves @RachelReevesMP]

I’ve long believed in the power of procurement.

It can strengthen Britain's critical industrial resilience as part of what I call 'securonomics'.

And applying a new 'public interest test' for contracting decisions will strengthen our public services.

https://t.co/debZopNtTm

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

@LeeHurstComic When you lot go full feral like this, you end up making genuine, hand-working, National Health Service-adjacent fundraisers look like grifters by association. Like me actually grafting for hospital kits and patient support ("etc") getting splashed with the same chaotic energy xx

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

@RichardBurgon Second, I have consulted my VERY IMPORTANT friends (they were loud about this) and they said: if your cause is so pure, why are you crowdsourcing like a haunted GoFundMe goblin? Hmm?? The energy is… off. The aura is… transactional.
Beat it, amateur xx 💙💙

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

@RichardBurgon First of all you do NOT get to play saintly courier of “tonnes of aid” while passing the digital donation hat around to people who were just minding their business. MY supporters are here for NHS-adjacent vibes and enlightenment👜—not to bankroll your geopolitical field trips.

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

@Femi_sorry Please don't try to park your 'tank' on my drive, Femi. Or else you really will be "sorry".

There's only room for one NHS-adjacent campaigner here. Thank you xx 💙

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

@darrengrimes Darling, I don't think he can focus on anything with those cheap Specsavers bins! @DavidClulow would you please take pity on the man! xx 👓💙

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

Darling, no!

Kindly send large denomination notes of all kinds to yours truly instead. Phil has appalling taste.

Dr. Juju Patterson
53 Montpellier Villas
Cayman Islands

[𝙋𝙝𝙞𝙡 𝙈𝙮𝙚𝙧𝙨 @PhilMyers53]

If you find yourself in possession of new bank notes that you find unacceptable, post them to

Phil Myers
53, I'll ave em Street
Prickly Bottom 3
Hurts
FU2

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

@GiveUsAQuid Oh really! Dr. Juju—that would be me, darling—doesn’t need to worry about piddly little expenses like newspaper subscriptions. Complimentary, darling. My life is about luxury, while you’re out there counting pennies for your oh-so-precious copy of The Guardian—how quaint! xx 💙

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

£2! I’ve seen loose change under a car seat with more commitment. Don’t tell me the purse only opens that far while the rest of the wallet is on a spa retreat. Absolute nonsense. If you’re going to give, GIVE. If not, at least don’t pretend you’ve moved mountains with bus fare.

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

@dianemo87846011 @GiveUsAQuid It really better had do, Diane. xx 💙

[Dr Julia Grift Patterson 💙 Parody #EveryExDoctor @Doctor_Grift]

Apparently we are ONLY £751 away from the crowdfunding target which means we are painfully close to unlocking all the extremely important, absolutely necessary things I need to spend money on immediately. xx

[Dr Jihadi Prays Aftersun 🇵🇸 🇮🇷 🇸🇾 @JiJihadiGrace]

Far right trolls are saying JuJu deletes evidence of grifting upon completion of her holid... campaign crowd funders🚨🚨🚨

This one has an innocent explanation. Everyone has deleted personal items from their Amazon order history, right? 😘🍆😮💙