Donald J. Drumpf

I'm really rich. And beautiful. That's why you should love me. This parody account is fantastic, believe me. So-called president.

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

Donald Trump is the most predictable person on the planet. #Twice @realDonaldTrump

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

I hate presidential harassment! People are always so mean to me when I do nothing to deserve it! SAD!!!

Remember — be best!

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

Today Elizabeth Warren, sometimes referred to by me as Pocahontas, joined the race for President. Will she run as our first Native American presidential candidate, or has she decided that after 32 years, this is not playing so well anymore? See you on the campaign TRAIL, Liz!

[Jules Suzdaltsev @jules_su]

LITERALLY. A. BLANK. PAGE.

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

YOU AMERICANS HAD BETTER PAY BILLIONS OF DOLLARS FOR A WALL OR I SHUT DOWN THE GOVERMENT!!! WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

I AM NOT A CROOK!!!

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

I never directed Michael Cohen to break the law. He was a lawyer and he is supposed to know the law. It is called “advice of counsel,” and a lawyer has great liability if a mistake is made. That is why they get paid. Despite that many campaign finance lawyers have strongly......

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

I couldn’t close the umbrella because my tiny fingers didn’t know how to wrap around the inside!

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

Hey, can you stop? You’re kind of rendering MY job useless.

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

“Trump could be the most honest president in modern history. When you look at the real barometer of presidential truthfulness, which is promise keeping, he is probably the most honest president in American history. He’s done exactly what he said he would do.” Marc Thiessen, WPost

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

We didn’t just fall in love. We had the best, most glorious sex you can ever imagine. He was even better than Stormy and he said my penis looked like Cupid’s arrow!

[Insider Politics @insiderpolitics]

'We fell in love … he wrote me beautiful letters': Trump boasts about improved relationship with Kim Jong Un during West Virginia rally https://t.co/h1VwPqxXT3

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

We need a President who isn't a laughing stock to the entire World. We need a truly great leader, a genius at strategy and winning. Respect!

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

My penis does NOT look like a mushroom! In fact, here’s a picture of my actual dick to prove it!

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

GOD DAMN IT HE BEAT ME TO IT

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

“@realDonaldTrump: I would like to extend my best wishes to all, even the haters and losers, on this special date, September 11th.”

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

He’s not a war hero! He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured. (Good thing the real Trump would never say anything like that)

[POLITICO @politico]

John McCain’s life was like something out of a Hollywood movie script — he was a naval officer and a jet pilot, a war hero and politician. He died today at 81

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

GRAB HER BY THE PUSSY #ParentingIn5WordsOrLess

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

Congratulations to @KingJames on winning Athlete of the Year in last night’s @ESPYS. LeBron is also a great guy!

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

It's almost like the United States has no President - we are a rudderless ship heading for a major disaster. Good luck everyone!

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

I may seem like a traitor, but I had to do it! Last night, Putin and I had the most glorious sex you could ever imagine, believe me. It was better than anything Ivanka or Stormy could do for me. #TrumpTreason

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

I resign as president. #PerfectDayIn5Words

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

Oh wait does this mean there’s gonna be another draft?! I NEED TO DODGE IT AGAIN!!! https://t.co/sFcK3675Gk

[Alex Jones @RealAlexJones]

BREAKING: Democrats Plan To Launch Civil War On July 4th https://t.co/38AWiUFaag

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

I know words, I have the best words, believe me! I only have trouble reeching the right buttons because of my small fingers covfefe https://t.co/I4FjzCfBoA

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

He claims to restore jobs, but he’s putting parody account writers out of business. https://t.co/2NZsCuw7IC

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

The Red Hen Restaurant should focus more on cleaning its filthy canopies, doors and windows (badly needs a paint job) rather than refusing to serve a fine person like Sarah Huckabee Sanders. I always had a rule, if a restaurant is dirty on the outside, it is dirty on the inside!

[Donald J. Drumpf @DonaldDrumpf___]

What the fuck is MY job supposed to be at this point? https://t.co/m9PiDIEK76

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

.@jimmyfallon is now whimpering to all that he did the famous “hair show” with me (where he seriously messed up my hair), & that he would have now done it differently because it is said to have “humanized” me-he is taking heat. He called & said “monster ratings.” Be a man Jimmy!