Ah the shelf reference. Anyone with a shelf needs a different carpenter. If you don't get something, kick it back to the savior. Eventually he will kick it back to you. Wrestle with it. If you still don’t get it, kick it back to the savior. Keep repeating. Trying to save yourself by putting something on your shelf is a flawed strategy.
Thanks for sharing and appreciate the dialog.
Over the last 30 years I've attended over 20 wards as I have moved for work and travel. I haven't heard the term apostate related to people who are not members of our faith.
I've only heard it referred to people who where baptized and active members of the Church who have since left, renounced their membership and actively speak out against the church.
Sorry if anyone has used that term to describe you. That doesn't seem Christian nor align with the definition of that word.
Regarding not feeling fully accepted, that sounds like something we need to be better at. I can say that I have seen a big shift in the last 5 years within church culture to be better peacemakers and to better love our neighbors as Jesus would. We are no way perfect at it. I was humbled to hear of how the LDS saints reacted who were impacted from the Michigan church shooting awhile back. The impacted congregation set up a collection to help the shooter's wife. There are lessons for all of us to learn from that.