SommDouche

Thick-skinned, high alcohol, cooler than Chablis, hotter than Moscato, and more wood than a case of Rombauer. #wine

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

“Could You Be a Sommelier?”

Some warning signs you shouldn’t ignore:
- Swirling and smelling water
- Gaslighting millennials about pet-nat
- Visibly shaking when you hear the words “sulfite allergy”
- instinctually pouring merlot for people that just said they hate merlot

#wine

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

Holy hell. I haven’t been here for a while - now my entire feed is about racism, racists, and the groups being too sensitive to race. I make fun of wine accounts man, why are you trying to stoke racism @elonmusk ?

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

Nice to see fermentation methods developed in prison being shamelessly exploited as a means to make “all natural wine”

Cranberry hooch, both cause and cure for a mean UTI…

#wine #pruno #ThisIsARealAd

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

Yet another article about clinging to open Champagne!

Nobody asks how to preserve a shucked oyster.

The beauty and thrill of Champagne is, at least partially, in its release.

Attempting to ‘re-cage’ it (very clever, bravo), is contrary to the intent. https://t.co/YQYNNhvkYh

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

Anyone care to explain wtf “Leftover Champagne” is?

I’m positively flummoxed.

#DontStartFightsYouCantFinish #Wine

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

Good news, this is real, and the brief flicker of wine satire is dead; it was fun, thanks for the memories.

When they release Rombauer ’Twinkie’ next year, you can find me walking not very slowly into the ocean.

#wine

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

@Wine_Cuentista The opposite of ‘de-classed’, you’ve been classed.

Often the back of the bus is more fun.

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

Natural wines taste like someone tried to make an omelette without cracking the eggs.

You have to shuck an oyster.

You have to cook a goose.

Without intervention, it’s just grapes.

Make it taste like it was a good idea and I’ll believe you.

#wine #WaiterMyOmeletteHasPulp

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

I don’t know what color ‘Cabernet Blanc’ is supposed to be, but it’s not fucking orange.

#Wine

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

Stop selling flawed wine as ‘natural’ - it fucking sucks to drink.

Thanks,
Literally Everyone.

#Wine #StopIt #ChronicalllyFlawed #AtLeastFuckingRinseYourFermenters

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

Who’s going to tell @larry_kudlow about plant-based cows?

#wine #plantbasedbeer #beef

https://t.co/zuquYPfCRT

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

If I said a certain Champagne tasted like banana runts that had been microwaved in an old sock, you’d all know exactly what I was referring to, and I think that’s beautiful.

#wine

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

Please don’t feed the wildlife.

#wine

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

@KieranRwines Definitely bulk wine, but not from Napa County or Napa Valley AVA - the only two legal origins that include ‘Napa’.

This has the word ‘Napa’ on it, but it doesn’t mean anything - May as well be ‘Pnaa’

Also, TTB requires an address on the label - ‘Lodi’ doesn’t cut it.

Shady AF

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

Alright label nerds, for $12 on the shelf, where did this wine come from?

I’ll give you a hint - it absolutely does not start with the letter ‘N’

#wine

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

Consumer: What color is this wine?

Marketing: Yes.

#Wine

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

Complain all you want, but the biscuit recipe near the end of ‘Far from the Madding Crowd’ is totally worth the lengthy introduction.

#food #cooking #recipes #wine

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

Thats... not how this works. That’s not how ANY of this works.

#Wine #NeopolitanIceCreamWantsItsGrooveBack

[Shana Bull @sharayray]

I recently read that elder Millienals love charcuterie boards & mimosas because they grew up on Lunchables & Sunny D.

#TrueStory

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

Upset that I didn’t write this as a joke before it actually happened...

[CNN @CNN]

It's called Jalapeño Noir https://t.co/9ueDMRMyMw

[SommDouche @DoucheSomm]

I’m happy that this was published, but absolutely heartbroken I wasn’t on the debunking panel.

@VinePair , give me a call next time!

#wine #YoureTalkingALotButYoureNotSayingAnything

https://t.co/36keWPmI0y