MONKEY

Sexy enigma. Media Mogul. Visionary. Landscape mode is my legacy. BLANKET FORT co-conspirator. Creator of GRIME. Get MONKEY

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

@Hannahistweetin Please know @VadaCallisto made me do it!

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1900 - In France, the National Assembly passed a law reducing the workday for women and children to 11 hours. The good old days when people weren't afraid of work. https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1940 - The Japanese set up a puppet government called Manchuko in Nanking, China. I am sure people under the age of 6 enjoyed the puppets. https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1867 - The British Parliament passed the North America Act to create the Dominion of Canada. Huge mistake. https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1974 - A streaker ran onto the set of "The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson." Dick flopping everywhere! https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1836 - The first Mormon temple was dedicated in Kirtland, OH.
Hashtag fuck like a mormon. https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1938 - Hermann Goering warned all Jews to leave Austria. The asshole wasn't joking around. https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1990 - A fire in Happy Land, an illegal New York City social club, killed 87 people. Unfortunate name. https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1837 - Canada gave blacks the right to vote. They voted to ban themselves from ever having to vote again. Smart people. https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1998 - Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired his Cabinet. He also put his buffet hutch on probation. https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1992 - A Fokker F-28 veered off a runway at New York's LaGuardia airport and into Flushing Bay, killing 27 people. 27 people got Fokked. https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1994 - Dudley Moore was arrested for hitting his girlfriend. He punched her in the knee. You know, cause he was a midget. https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1792 - In Paris, the Legislative Assembly approved the use of the guillotine. Those were the days. https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1931 - The state of Nevada legalized gambling. Whores were not legal for another 40 years. https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1990 - The first free elections took place in East Germany. They all thought they still had to vote for Hitler. https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1969 - Golda Meir was sworn in as the fourth premier of Israel. For some reason I thought she designed shoes. https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1993 - In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit for human consumption. Yeah but were ostriches allowed to eat humans? Exactly! https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1964 - In Montreal, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were married. I was there, the meal sucked. https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1979 - Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a Trident aircraft crashed into a factory. Somebody forgot to yell DUCK! https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1965 - Eric Clapton left the Yardbirds. Huge mistake. Eric who? https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL

[MONKEY @DoucheTheMonkey]

1974 - "Wonder Woman" debuted on ABC-TV. The show later went to CBS-TV. Divine boobies! https://t.co/VdpBEI7YkL