Doug Corriveau

Performance coach, aspiring renaissance man, and average know-it-all

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

You know you’ve spent too much time in a gym when you come to the disheartening realization that the worst lighting to see your results is….regular daylight 😒

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

A drinking game that teaches people how to argue.

Take a shot for:

-each stereotype and generalization
-every ad hominem attack
- each time you interrupt before the other person completes their thought.

Way more amusing for everyone! The only concern is alcohol poisoning 😋

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

One of the more compelling side affects of imposter syndrome is paranoia: you are convinced that everyone is talking about you and plotting your downfall.

So I guess what I’m saying is…don’t plan surprise parties at the office, or you’ll give poor Kevin heart palpitations

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

Trying to schedule quality time with friends as an adult is about as enjoyable as:

A) playing a game of hopscotch with landlines
B) cutting down a tree with a butter knife
C) watching an IMAX movie through glasses that aren’t yours
D) All of the above

Worth it? Yes. But c’mon.

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

Tech friends of social media filter out posts using trending audio?

I don’t think you understand the utter chaos those 15 second sound bites are inflicting on my mental soundtrack.

I don’t remember what regular music sounds like, somebody help

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

Humanity’s toxic trait is the inability to hold differing opinions agreeably.

War, fanaticism, intolerance, bigotry could all be solved if we could act like the chill kid at the playground.

“I don’t like that.”

“Cool. Wanna play on the swings?”

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

Great idea, bad pitch: Everyone gets their most brutally honest friend to write a “side effects may include” label for dating you, and you’re legally obligated to include it on any dating profile you have.

Thoughts?

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

To demonstrate just how much anxious attachers crave affirmation, allow me to to present the time that a complete stranger told me that I had a “reassuring voice”.

To this day, I have no idea what prompted her to say that, but I still think about it every time I record a video

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

Since I’ve mastered passive-aggression and overthinking, is there a place I can go to train the arts of active indifference and the “Quiet Mind” style?

I’m thinking a hidden martial arts temple in the Himalayas, or maybe a hut owned by a muppet on a swamp planet? 🤷‍♂️

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

My dream life would be one where I don’t want anything that I’ve been told to want.

Forget money, travel, or the perfect partner; how about 24 hours where I lose all memory of what society or my peers expect from me so I can figure out my own wants?

Anyone else with me?

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

Anxious attachment makes male/female friendships weird sometimes, huh?

Like “no, I’m not into you, I promise. The fact that I’m always texting first, complimenting you, and remembering personal details is just my abandonment issues acting up, it’s not romantic 😅😬”

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

I need an alarm that very gently and compassionately reminds me that i’m at the age where hitting snooze once will destroy my energy levels for the next 48 hours

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

“Just be yourself” is terrifying advice.

I once sneezed while I was at home by myself, and promptly said “bless you”, out loud and in all seriousness, and I still think about it 3 times a week.

“Be yourself?”I gotta be this guy for the rest of my life? 🙄

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

If variety is the spice of life, then can I be a Karen and send it back for being too spicy?

“Excuse me…I never do this, but I asked for low chaos and I wanted it on the side. Can I speak to your manager?”

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

Dear devs of the simulation,

It’s been a hot minute since the “hunter/gatherer” storyline wrapped up…any chance we can upgrade the nervous system stats?

It’s not performing great in the “modern society” arc. 😋

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

Say what you will about anxious attachment, but we sure can text good.

1. Emojis on point, no way we’re leaving anything open to misinterpretation! 😅
2. We’ve never, ever killed a vibe with “lol” or “k”
3. Quick-draw text back times. It’s like a an Old West shootout out here 🤠

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

Bad advice: If you’re curious how solid your first impression is, sneak “you have really nice skin” into the conversation early on.

You either pass with flying colors and life goes on OR you get your own true crime episode on Dateline!

High risk, high reward 😋

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

I am 100% convinced that of all posts containing statistics, 83% contain fallacies, 76% are not fact-checked, and 1002% are going to be used incorrectly in an argument

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

What personality disorder is it when you’re tempted to swap the boxes for all of the jigsaw puzzles to see just how angry jigsaw puzzlers can get once they figure it out?

Asking for a friend 😇

[Doug Corriveau @DougCorriveau]

Imposter syndrome creates an imagined reality.

It goes: Fear of failure and embarrassment ➡️ Distorted thoughts ➡️ Imagined scenarios ➡️ Confirmation of initial feelings ➡️ Inaction, avoidance, generally being miserable.

Don’t let it get past Step 2! Call out those thoughts!