John Dooley

Agri-Food, Genetics, Cultured meat, Farmers. Lurchers, Jack Russells, Dachshunds & Cats. Gardening & DIY

[John Dooley @DrFoodGenes]

@x64personality This is a con...wants money to get the results

[Nellie Doodles @nelliedoodles]

The Keep Of Small Joys

#DogsOfTwitter #Greyhound

[Have I Got News For You @haveigotnews]

After several days of his increasingly childish behaviour, Denmark have finally offered Trump Greenland and his response was “no it’s too late now I don’t want it”

[steve @bagshaw2112]

#sunday
Something different today
This is a bit harder as it’s photos only!
Can you name more than 3

please repost so others can play.
Tv teaser!
What was the year ?

#retro #tv

[Wow Animals @WOW_ANIMALS1]

Adorable baby elephant interrupts reporter in Kenya in the cutest way possible

[Devin Duke @sirDukeDevin]

Best sign I've seen all day! Drop a 🇨🇦 below for our friends up north.

[Susie Dent @susie_dent]

Word of the day is ‘whiffling’ (17th century): fickle, inconstant, and making it up as you go along.

[Colin the Dachshund @DachshundColin]

In case you're catching up, here's a highlight reel.

[Susie Dent @susie_dent]

As part of my regular series on lost positives, I’m happy to report that you can be ‘consolate’ as well as ‘disconsolate’. If you’re lucky, you can also be gruntled, feckful, woeless, and in a state of total array.

[Dara Ó Briain @daraobriain]

Next Sunday the All-Ireland hurling final will be on the BBC for the first time. It’s Cork vs Clare, a cracker of match in front of 82,400 screaming fans at Croke Park, for the highlight of the Irish sporting year. If you’ve never seen Hurling, here is a quick explainer…

[John Dooley @DrFoodGenes]

“I’ve got tickets to Groundswell on 26th and 27th June, see you there?” @groundswellaguk https://t.co/xiZCEkrIMv

[John Dooley @DrFoodGenes]

Tickets for our Cultured Meat & the Future of Farming webinar with @FarmersWeekly on Monday 17-06-24, 12.00pm, available from: https://t.co/KPjlrptrtw

[Irish Ranger (Sevvy) @VeteranIrish]

Quotes From British Military Annual Personnel Reports.

1. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

2. I would not breed from this Officer.

3. This man is depriving a village somewhere of its fucking idiot.

4. This officer can be likened to a small puppy - he runs around excitedly, leaving little messes for other people to clean up.

5. This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, more of a definitely fuckin’ won't-be.

6. When she opens her mouth, it seems only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

7. Couldn't organise 50% leave in a 2 man submarine.

8. He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

9. He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

10. Technically sound, but socially impossible.

11. The occasional flashes of adequacy are marred by an attitude of apathy and indifference.

12. When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has fucking aged considerably.

13. This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

14. This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope, always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

15. Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

16. She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

17. He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

18. This Officer should go far, and the sooner he starts, the fucking better.

19. In my opinion this pilot should not be authorised to fly below 250 feet.

20. The only ship I would recommend for this man is citizenship.

21. Couldn't organise a woodpecker's picnic in Sherwood Forest.

22. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

23. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

24. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

25. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

26. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

27. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.

28. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

29. It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm.

30. A room temperature IQ.

31. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.

32. A gross ignoramus, 143 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

33. He has a photographic memory but has the lens cover glued on.

34. He has been working with glue too long.

35. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

36. This man hasn't got enough grey matter to sole the flip-flop of a one legged budgie.

37. If two people are talking, and one looks bored, he's the other one.

38. One-celled organisms would out score him in an IQ test.

39. He donated his body to science before he was done using it.

40. Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

41. He's so dense, light bends around him.

42. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

43. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

44. Takes him 1.1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

45. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is long gone.

😁😁

[MarshFamilySongs @MarshSongs]

Here's our Easter hols🎶

It's named "We're Tory" - a satire about the outgoing government, parodying #ThisIsMe (@GreatestShowman)

Dedicated to all good Tory councillors/MPs who'll be ousted in May local elections & the General Election #nottheirfault

👉https://t.co/mO3TQh70Wc

[Murmuration @matthud59]

This made me laugh

[Irish Ranger (Sevvy) @VeteranIrish]

GLORIOUS INSULTS

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: " Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
"That depends, Sir , " said Disraeli,"whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy ." -Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second . . . if there is one." -Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."-Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts . . . for support rather than illumination." -Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."-Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx

😁😁😁

[Massimo @Rainmaker1973]

Tiramisu is an Italian dessert made of ladyfingers (savoiardi) dipped in coffee, layered with a whipped mixture of eggs, sugar and mascarpone and flavoured with cocoa.

This is a mouth watering waterfall version.

[📹 nor.bucharest]

[Golden Memories and Silver Tears @MarcCorbishley]

Did you read this?

[Eric Alper 🎧 @ThatEricAlper]

The best music correction ever.