Mike Bassett

England manager (not really)

[Alex Armstrong @Alexarmstrong]

Import the third world and you will become it.

Rome fell the same way, and Paris is now set to follow.

[Colin the Dachshund @DachshundColin]

"We asked 100 people to name something you might hide down the side of a house. You said a motorhome...."

[Melinda Richards 🇦🇺🇺🇸 @goodfoodgal]

Good morning!

As promised… posting every day until the whole of Australia has seen it.

Show your friends.
Share it round.
Watch it again.

Oh… and for the rest of the world? Have pity on us. It’s our Finance Minister.

[Old Gassy @OldGassy1984]

Nicola Sturgeon finds herself struggling to log in to a website...

[Patrick Christys @PatrickChristys]

Nicola Sturgeon cannot seriously expect anyone to believe her

[Paul Hutcheon @paulhutcheon]

The Daily Record’s splash - Nicola Sturgeon as Manuel from Fawlty Towers.

[GammonGazette @GammonGazette]

So, let me get this straight, after decades of global warming, we've matched a temperature that happened 82 years ago.....

[Statler Reimagined @ElCapitan_Chaos]

“Didn’t have the faintest idea what was going on”

[OffGuardian @OffGuardian0]

On days when the news is going crazy about temperatures, we should recall the Met Office was found to be reporting "weather data" from monitoring stations that don't exist.

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

@eNeecie Every other day a new motorhome appears in my mother-in-law's drive and Neil hands me another bucket full of jewellery and cosmetics. I can only assume he's got himself a part time job I'm too busy to ask about.

[Tom Harris 🇬🇧 @MrTCHarris]

"I once spent £400,000 of other people's money on jewellery, cosmetics and a campervan and my wife didn't know anything about it."

[Lembit Öpik @lembitopik]

As BBC & officials sweat over a “health risk” UK “heatwave,” why aren’t they in airports issuing “Red Heat Alerts” to anyone flying anywhere hotter than Britain?

[Tommy Robinson 🇬🇧 @TRobinsonNewEra]

Muhammadan sets up a stall in England telling British children they "deserved to be raped" for wearing shorts.

Get these cavemen out of our countries!

[James Melville 🚜 @JamesMelville]

‘Blowtorch heat’ 😂

33°C in a heatwave is not blowtorch heat. The temperature of a blowtorch is 1,300°C.

[A True Liberal 🇬🇧 🏳️‍🌈 @MInthenow70635]

Islam has a problem with gays, Jews, Sikhs, Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, women, non-Muslims, atheists and apostates, but if I have a problem with Islam, I'm the bigot?

Can you see how ridiculous it is?

[Out of Context Human Race @NoContextHumans]

Same temperature different tone.

[Galactic Zoo @TonyMarrese]

Remember, don’t die of sun exposure today.

[Lembit Öpik @lembitopik]

If 30 Celsius in UK needs a “Red Heat Alert,” why hasn’t everyone in Spain left or suffered health problems?

[#Marcher @MarcherReborn]

The #MetOffice will issue an AMBER level heat alert later today.

If you're over the age of 40, you'll know this as "a nice sunny day"