charlie

Author. Actor. Matathan runner. Pulitzer prize winer. Liar.

[Bob Kostic @causticbob]

My best friend just got dumped by his gorgeous gf. I thought I'd call and see if everything is OK.

She's fine. We're going out tomorrow.

[Facts In Your Face @FactsInYourFace]

Boardwalk Empire had the most expensive pilot episode produced in television history.

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

You got no fans!

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

Me and my wife decide we were gonna try for a kid. Nearly got one in @Tesco but the mum came back.

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

I can yawn in 14 different languages

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

There is only 3 things I'm good at; Writing lists. Counting.

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

Michael Phelps is an Olympic athlete, why didn't he just swim away?

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

I have had these 2 people locked in my basement for 17 days. How long before Stockholm Syndrome kicks in and they will be my friends?

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

Hey @realDonaldTrump your hair looks just like my pet Roland. RT?

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

#FastFoodWorkerPickUpLines how about we grab this wet floor sign and head off to the disabled toilet?

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

"Yes, my 5 stars on my name badge DO look like buttholes" #FastFoodWorkerPickUpLines #ChampionsLeague

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

#FastFoodWorkerPickUpLines Hi, I'm assistant REGIONAL manager. Now spit on me and call me names

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

#FastFoodWorkerPickUpLines want to see my eeyore tattoo?

[Catwoman @TheSiouxfan]

@DubiousMeanings cos stealer

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

#FastFoodWorkerPickUpLines the vanilla milkshake taste EXACTLY like dog semen (dachshund)

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

“@TheSiouxfan: Oof seen some rampant tweet theft tonight. Tut tut” I said that first!

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

Wanna see my quarter pounder? By the way I mean my cock #FastFoodWorkerPickUpLines

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

@ChucklesDowner while your wife gets the bus. The bitch

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

#FastFoodWorkerPickUpLines "the special sauce is my semen"

[charlie @DubiousMeanings]

#FastFoodWorkerPickUpLines 'you know for 40p I can go large *winks*'