Cool Bert

My ex wife took my Howard the Duck DVD (see above)

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

Shut the fuck up @elonmusk

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

BRUNSON FROM DOWNTOWN

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

Holding my shmeat between two fingers like a cigarette while I piss

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

When there’s a will there’s a smith

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

No deviled eggs for me, I’m driving

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

Why do divorced dads exclusively have androids

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

Dude who bullied me died

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

Sources tell me Pam Bondi is stable

Please god

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

Phone Buffet

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

Chicago style condoms

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

WE ARE SAINT PATRIIIIICK

WE CAAAAAST OUT THE SNAKES

WE FIIIGHT FOR THE IRISH

WE PEEL THE POTATES

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

Fucking wild that this was 2 weeks before Big Kirk got merced

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

My hot take is that it’s pussy shit to draw the line at wishing death upon someone

Some people deserve it!

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

Would anyone believe me if I said GHOULIES II kinda rules

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

Shazaming the score from GHOULIES II

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

They call them forever chemicals because if you eat enough of them, you’ll live forever

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

Father forgive my sins

For I am a gooner

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

HEY SPONGEBOB, I GOT 2 WORDS FOR YA

I LOVE THIS COMPANY

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

Some babies have a laugh that can unite nations

My coworker has a laugh that can bring on nuclear war

[Crash Bandicooch @Bandicooch42069]

I understand it’s called football, but maybe we can use our hands this superbowl

[Cool Bert @DudeBert69]

“According to THE GAME PLAN (2007)”