Dude, You're a Dad

Comedy, mostly derived from my kid and family | Cool products you or your family may need -

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

Kid was screaming in the middle of the night last night.

Picked him up out if the crib, sat down in a chair, he buried his head into my chest and went right to sleep.

A warm feeling then came over me...

Pee. The kid was peeing on me. That was the warmth.

[Tim Dillard @DimTillard]

2017 “Yo Mama” Face Off | Vol. 1
@Brett_Phillips8 VS @DimTillard
(Vol. 2 COMING SUNDAY!)
#HappyMothersDay | #MothersDay

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

"Best if used by 11/8/19."

Yeah, but I bet it's still...

"Good if used by 12/8/2019."

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

The Walmart Black Friday ad slaps.

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

I'm gonna punish my kids by making them put socks on wet feet over and over again.

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

Me bringing my contribution to Thanksgiving dinner:

[Big Mouth Mom @mom_mouth]

@DudeYoureaDad Not in my experience, no.

[ForgottenAstronauts 🚀Ash Knight @ForgottenAstro2]

@DudeYoureaDad I don’t see why...

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

This pattern of eating a big, delicious bowl of cereal before bed has to stop one of these days.

Doesn't it?

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

"Be sure you wash those dishes before you put them in the dishwasher."

K.

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

In his mind, my son was finished eating last night, so he started digging thru his bib pocket (that catches food so he can try again later) & found an old morsel of some kind.

He then proceeded to throw it across the table...

& into my bowl.

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

Son was scream crying uncontrollably for me to open a package of rawhide dog treats for him.

So he got a rawhide dog treat.

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

"Babe, there's something I need to tell you...

Something that's been weighing on me for some time and I just need to get off my chest."

You haven't brushed your teeth today, have you?

"Look, I'm really sorry."

[Joey® @BalanceOfOld]

@DudeYoureaDad Man's gatto go, when a man's gatto go.

[✨ 𝑘𝑒𝑦𝑎 𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑛 💫 @taylarosec]

Tayana does this every other night 😒

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

Why did tonight have to be "poop in the bathtub" night?

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

Absolute lifesaver with kids and the holidays coming up.

-> https://t.co/u8jEVJIdLv

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

"Hi, it's me again. No need to cancel that credit card. However, if the authorities need my toddler to come serve time over the weekend, I can arrange that."

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

@justmenancyg I have not, but it sounds like I should? Lol

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

I can only imagine what decision needed to be made here....

[Dude, You're a Dad @DudeYoureaDad]

Now that I'm a dad, "Two Fattys & A Blitz" is my favorite defensive scheme.