Mark Nolan

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

@chrisvanderveen https://t.co/vQq1g9I2DP

[Thornton Fire Dept. @ThorntonFire]

Thornton Fire Crews, along with several neighboring departments, on scene at Pinnacle High School for a vegetation fire. The school has been evacuated. I-25 has been closed north and south bound at 84th

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

Jack’s contribution to our move: Add an “F” to every box that says “ART,” and try to convince us it was the movers that did it. 😃 💨

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

“If I make it to the MLB, how much do you think I would make if I jarred up my farts and sold them on Ebay?” 💨 🤔

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

Jack [middle of the night, while sleepwalking]: “Mom, I feel really bad.” Mom: “Why hon?” Jack: “Because I didn’t start you in Madden.” 🏈 😴

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

“I don’t think I’d like to be a cow, because people are always coming up to you and touching your groin.”

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

“Can we flush five ice cubes down the toilet and wish for a snow day?”

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

[I explain fans following the Grateful Dead from town to town]: “That sounds dumb. Seems a little bit like stalking.”

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

Running around the house loudly yelling what sounds remarkably like “Boutros Boutros-Ghali!!” Afraid to ask what he’s really saying.

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

Holiday Musings: “Would you rather be [Joe Pesci or Daniel Stern’s character] in ‘Home Alone?’” Verdict: Stern, because Pesci took the blowtorch to the head, “and got shot in the nuts” with the pellet gun. Agree.

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

[From the backseat, out of nowhere]: “Mom? I want to jump off a cliff.” #2weekstoMaui

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

“Dad, after I win a Superbowl Ring with each of the 32 NFL teams—even the Browns—I’m going to retire and get an easy job like yours. That sound good?”

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

“Air is pretty hurtless, which is good. Otherwise, we’d be dead from just walking around.”

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

(Jack finally understands the true meaning and spirit of the holidays): “Hanukkah is the holiday with the little presents, Christmas is the holiday with the big presents.”

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

“Dad? When I’m grown up, if I play football, would you pick me for your fantasy football team?”

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

“Hey Dad, I used my brain today!”

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

“There’s nothing happier than a day full of whiffleball.” #whiffleblessed

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

"So back in olden times, they didn't have soccer balls--so they used a human head in a bag."

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

"Dad, pretend the couch is an iceberg and I'm the Titanic." #my_jack_will_go_on

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

"Charlie Blackmon doesn't really shave his beard very often. Like, not at all."

[Mark Nolan @DukesChacter]

[at a cocktail party with a gaggle of 60-something ladies, all sitting out on a patio]. Jack: "Duck, Duck, Goose, anyone?"