Dumb Phone Gang

Missed every notification. Missed nothing.

CA: LFEJTxJ9yi6ojGDFpjbGfABLbH55Fc3oEK8syJJpump

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

Contract Address is out:
LFEJTxJ9yi6ojGDFpjbGfABLbH55Fc3oEK8syJJpump

Let the gang assemble

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

BREAKING:

Clacky has been missing for six hours.

Unfortunately, he has no GPS, Find My Phone, location history or internet connection.

Fortunately, he was exactly where we left him.

Charging was unnecessary.

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

blue light is bad for you.

I wasn't built with that feature - Clacky.

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

DUMB PHONE GANG RULES

If it’s urgent, call.
If it isn’t urgent, forget it.
Never trust a phone requiring your face.
One bar is still a bar.
Snake counts as software.
Battery percentage is generational wealth.

Membership approved.

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

Three people at this table.
Two are watching videos of other people at other tables.
One is at the table.

What happened to socializing?

#DUMBPHONEGANG

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

CLACKY’S WEEKLY SCREEN-TIME REPORT

Snake: 8 minutes
Calling Mum: 2 minutes
Staring at “NO SIGNAL”: 1 minute
Doomscrolling: 0 minutes
Arguments with strangers: 0 minutes
Life experienced directly: 10,069 minutes

The numbers don’t lie.

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

Something happened online today.
Clacky did not hear about it.
Clacky did not open it.

Clacky is still not sure what it was.
Peace level: maximum.

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

Your smartphone protects your privacy with:

• Face recognition
• Encrypted clouds
• Tracking permissions
• 47-page policies
Clacky protects your privacy by forgetting everything immediately.
No data.
No memory.

No idea what is happening.

Military-grade incompetence.

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

Everyone walked past looking down.
Clacky sat there looking at nothing.

Nothing looked back.
It was the best conversation either of them had all week.

#DUMBPHONEGANG

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

Clacky was added to a group chat at 9:04 AM.

He replied “OK” at 6:37 PM.

Nobody knows what he agreed to.

He has since left the group, although possibly by accident.

Our most technologically advanced member.

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

our newborn cousin looks good!

[Mukul Sharma @stufflistings]

Meet The Basic Phone - a dumb phone that has features missing from current dumb phones.

Dedicated GPS and Network enable/disable buttons.

Full QWERTY keyboard.

Supports major messaging apps, Maps, and even has cameras.

Coming soon...

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

The smart one has a screen protector, a case, insurance and a repair appointment.

Clacky has scratches.
Clacky is fine.

Dumb Phone Gang.

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

CLACKY PATCH NOTES v0.0.2

• Added nothing
• Removed nothing
• Fixed nothing
• Battery decreased from 43% to 42%
• Snake remains operational
• Internet still unavailable

The perfect update does not exist because the perfect phone was already finished.

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

INTERVIEWER: How do you manage notifications?

CLACKY: What notifications?

INTERVIEWER: What about work-life balance?

CLACKY: I don’t have email.

INTERVIEWER: And artificial intelligence?

CLACKY: Is that a new ringtone?

Hire him.

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

We don't have a support account or any telegram group.

Kick the scammers.

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

They put AI in the phone.

They put shopping in the phone.

They put work in the phone.

They put the casino in the phone.

Clacky put Snake in the phone and called it finished.

No apps. No problem.

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

DUMB PHONE GANG STATUS REPORT:

Signal: one bar
Battery: somehow alive
Installed apps: zero
Screen time: embarrassing to measure
Current controversy: unknown
Peace level: maximum

The Gang is currently unavailable.

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

The smartphone knows your location, interests, sleep schedule, face, friends and spending habits.

Clacky barely knows the date.

That’s why we trust him.

Dumb Phone Gang.

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

Clacky opened the internet once.

There were three arguments, six advertisements and eleven strangers explaining the same video.

He closed it again.

Missed every notification. Missed nothing.

[Dumb Phone Gang @DumbPhoneGang]

Your phone has:

47 apps
12 subscriptions
836 notifications
3 software updates
1% battery

Clacky has:

Calls
Texts
Snake
42% battery since Tuesday
Reject intelligence.

Join Dumb Phone Gang