Durjaya Dee

Follow me and I'll wash your car.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

How many minutes do you have to boil condoms before you reuse them?

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

I feel sorry for Romney.. his wife had promised to "fuck the brains out of the NEXT President of the United States, and now he's home alone.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

Damn it! A woman just started breast feeding in this restaurant. Now I have to switch tables ... to get a better view.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

I can't believe it's pancake Tuesday again.
Honestly, it just crêped up on me.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

The internet, where men are men, the women are men, and the children are the FBI. #MakesMeSMH

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

#MakesMeSMH when someone asks me how long you're supposed to boil the condoms before you reuse them.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession to write about everything that happens in our marriage on the internet.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

#ThingsThatGetMeUpset ~ Stubborn Dogs. I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who is a good boy.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

7 qualities for a perfect girlfriend. Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, Sensible. In short: B.I.G.T.I.T.S.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

#10BasicFactsAboutMe My wife thinks I drink too much because I am bored; said I need to get a hobby. So I got one o those home brewing kits.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

#10BasicFactsAboutMe I want my wife to go down on a cruise ship. Don't get me wrong I don't want the boat to sink or anything.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

#10BasicFactsAboutMe My sex life is just like God...Doesn't exist no matter how much I pray.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

My girlfriend says that a small penis shouldn't affect our sex life. She may be right, but I'd prefer it if she didn't have one at all.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

@PimpBillClinton 100 Women Surveyed, "Would you have sex with Bill Clinton?" 80% said not again.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

@David_Brody I Told my friend I'm staying home tonight to watch that show #Touch. He said with Kiefer Sutherland? I said no, just by myself.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

Told my friend I'm staying home tonight watching that show #Touch. He said with Kiefer Sutherland? I said no, just by myself.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

Happy Australia Day - I just arrived in Australia to surprise my fiancee. She's in New York and the wedding is tomorrow.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

#TellTheWhiteHouse to let Bush out. He's still trapped inside pushing on a door that says pull.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

#MiddleSchoolMemories I got picked on a lot in school. I think it was because my name is Someoneyourownsize.

[Durjaya Dee @DurjayaDee]

I don't mind my 14 year old daughter smoking. #WhoCaresIf it's a bad influence on her kids?