My ex won't move out of the marital home. Fine by me, I've found all his secret pots of money & he has to babysit when I go out on dates. Including ones with his mates.
I'm a committed talc user. Whenever I stay in a hotel a leave a little line in the bathroom to make it look like I've had a hedonistic night of jazz powder infused fun, rather than being the sad middle-aged man I am
My boss is convinced I'm offline for periods of the day because I'm having an affair with a colleague, in reality I just pull my car over and have a nap regularly because I'm generally exhausted
My neighbours car registration ends in OWO. I sniggered to my wife " I bet she does". She didn't understand and now I'm in a pickle trying to explain it.