Dwight K. Schrute

Assistant (to the) Regional Manager at Dunder Mifflin. Volunteer Lackawanna County Sheriff's Deputy. (Not affiliated with NBC or The Office in any way).

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

WHAT is the meaning of this??? Identity theft is not a joke!!! Millions of families suffer EVERY year! Idiots.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

Wait, who's "Dwigt"???????

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

@Da_MichaelScott It was all a drill regardless, didn’t see the need to panic.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

@Da_MichaelScott I should’ve been an INTEGRAL part of Michael Scott Paper Company.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

I am a Sith Lord.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

@michaelgclump Jim is an imbecile.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

It’s a real shame because studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage because I bring my own water to work.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

@Da_MichaelScott I can behave like a five year old if you’d want me to, Michael. Jim does it all the time, anyway.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

I never smile if I can help it, showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. Someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for it’s life.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

I am better than you have ever been or ever will be.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

I don't believe you. Continue.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

All I care about is Mega-Desk.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

Get a friend, loser.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

@Da_MichaelScott Me @ Toby and/or Jim

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

Dwight
Kurt
Schrute

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

"All you need is love." False. The four basic human necessities are air, water, food, and shelter.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

I love catching people in the act. That’s why I always whip open doors.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

If Gym is suggesting I have anything to do with COVID-19, I will report him to HR and have Tob- CORPORATE deal with him.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

Question: I am having a debate about who should become my Personal Assistant.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff’s Deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven’t.

[Dwight K. Schrute @DwightKScranton]

@michaelgclump I never liked Andy. Plus I stole his fiancée.