Dylan Schnese

I walk around like everything's fine, but deep down inside my shoe my sock is sliding off

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

A 35 degree day in Jan in Wisconsin: we don’t warm up our cars before work, not wearing a coat, sipping iced coffee, probably will grill out for dinner

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

I’ll pull up to a meeting looking super professional but little do they know I was listening to Crazy Bitch by Buckcherry on my way here

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

Trying to casually shop at Victoria’s Secret with my mom and the sales associate asks her what kind of panties she normally wears... my mom goes “oh i don’t wear underwear” 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

Ever think about how when you’re on the highway and just adjusting the cruise control with your thumb the whole time you’re basically driving a really big remote control car?

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

Guilty 😂

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

Normal people: I left my sunglasses in the car.

Jeep Owners: I Jeeped my Jeepgoggles in the Jeep™

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

@hannahhinnefeld Thank you I concur

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

@MatchboxTwenty Yourself or Someone Like You is the best album of all time

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

I used to think having a boy name was tough... remembering that Michael Jackson named his kid “Blanket” kinda helped... now I’m just looking at Elon Musk like... #XAEA12

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

Once this quarantine is over I hope you all will appreciate how hard I’ve worked to return my alcohol tolerance to college level #selflove

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

People quarantined in warm states have no clue how lucky they are... we’re stuck over here pounding garage beers until it gets nice out ☀️ 🍺 #WisconsinProbs #Quarantine #BudLight

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

Knew I couldn’t be the only one thinking this 😂 #TigerKingNetflix

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

“Mr President what do you have to say to Americans who are at home scared?”
Trump: “I have to say you’re a terrible reporter”
.... what the fuck 😂

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

Check in on your friends out here with seasonal allergies trying not to touch their face... our eyes are itchy as fuck 😅

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

Can we just think about the fact that @LilTunechi was AT LAMBEAU LAST NIGHT?!?!?! 🧀💚 🤯

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

Starting a petition for chivalry to be dead in the winter in Wisconsin. If you hold the door wide open while your wife waddles in when it’s 2 degrees out you’re giving everyone in the restaurant frost bite Bob

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

Instagram proposed taking away the “like” feature and you know what I think that might be a fantastic fucking idea

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

Say it ain’t so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

Life is short - enjoy your pumpkin spice shit as early as you goddamn please! 🎃

[Dylan Schnese @Dylan_Schnese]

I just want to listen to Inside Out by @Eve6 on a loop for the rest of my life