Dylan Fisher

My New Years resolution was to stop starting things I wouldn't finish. When that didn't work I took up juggling.

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

New game, who dis? #WhatIf #basketball #BeerOfTrueDistinction #brotanks

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

I honestly love the @NBA Cup! But even just one of these suggestions would make next year’s tourney even better! #NBA #NBACup #KnicksVsSpurs #comedy #jokes

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

@KamBrothers @ESPNLosAngeles Man, what happened on that flight?

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

Releasing MLK Assassination Files insetead of the Epstein Files is like America asking for a Coke and Trump responding, “Pepsi ok?” #EpsteinClientListCoverup

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

Me (re-reading ‘The Iliad’ for the first time since middle school): Man, this is beautiful. I can’t wait to finish this chapter so I can look up what the hell it’s about.

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

Gangnam style stays on while I ask your dad permission to marry you

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

Normalize grocery stores selling bread by the slice!

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

A sheep in the South Sudan has
been sentenced to three years in prison for killing a woman but prosecutors said it could be up to five years with ba-a-a-ad behavior …**sighs with shame**

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

When is Celtic Rap gonna take off as a genre?

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

I love the art of tagging cause graffiti artists are like, “Heh heh I left my mark for the ages, and only three people know what it means.”

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

Wedding DJ: Feel free to make requests, everyone!
*I rush to the booth*
Me: Do you have the Star-Spangled Banner?

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

Me: *Listens to one cover*
My Discover Weekly: *Here’s every shitty cover we could find*

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

I got fired once on a 1st of April, started crying, boss apologized and said it was a a bad April fools joke. I was relieved. He then fire me the next day.

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

Accidentally bought lavender scented toilet paper. Excited to have a tushie that no longer stanks 🤗

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

@MarchMadnessMBB got me reflecting on my dating life
@NBAonTNT
Let’s go @ZagMBB #marchmadness #insidethenba #basketball #nba #ncaabasketball #ncaa

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

My dad: I love you, my son.
Me: Ok, boomer.

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

Sometimes I think communism would work if every town square had a ticker with numbers going up that we could all cheer on

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

Love it whenever a boss says, “Remember to have fun out there”
I’m always like, “omg! Thanks, work bestie!! 🥰💁‍♂️🥰”

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

Working on some 1920’s campaign slogans:

“I ain’t stallin’! I’m Russian to vote for Stalin!”

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

The trials and tribulations of 90s internet temptation #comedy

[Dylan Fisher @DyliciousFisher]

You went through boot camp. I once went to boat camp. We are not the same.