EG Dad Jokes

Daily laughs coming to you straight from the #dad-jokes Slack channel at @egineering_inc

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

A hipster burns his mouth on his dinner.

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

an investigator

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

I have a friend that writes music about sewing machines. He's a singer/songwriter, or sew it seams.

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

I told my builder not to carpet my steps. He gave me a blank stair.

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

Hands down, 6:30 is the best time.

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

Many people are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

How do you organize a space party?

planet

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

What do you call an illegally parked frog?

toad

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

Pro tip: if you flip your canoe over, you can wear it as a hat.

It's cap-sized.

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

You all like bowling jokes? I've got spares.

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

Why are scuba divers so good at writing assembly code?

Because they go below C-level.

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

Deciding what kind of bed and mattress to get is a big deal. I suggest you sleep on it.

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

I'm not sure what there is to love about Switzerland, but their flag is a big plus.

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

Chinese takeout: $12
Tip: $3
Getting home and finding out they forgot part of your order: riceless

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

What a beautiful wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

Your nose runs and your feet smell? Seems like you were built upside down.

[EG Dad Jokes @EGDadJokeDaily]

I’m a total pro at stealing candy bars. How do I do it, you ask? I've got a few Twix up my sleeve.