Ejeezy

[Ejeezy @EJeezy6]

I just wrote a review on CBG Oil Drops - 4ml (200 mg) https://t.co/GmI4noqobk via @yotpo

[Barack Obama @BarackObama]

Our founding promise has never been guaranteed. Each generation has been called to bring us a little closer to our highest ideals—and history’s calling on us right now. So let’s all do whatever we can to help @JoeBiden expand that promise to all Americans.

[The Lincoln Project @ProjectLincoln]

Remember when Donald Trump saluted a member of an enemy, totalitarian regime?

Happy 4th of July!

[Ejeezy @EJeezy6]

When life gets u down just masterbate #masturbationmay

[Ejeezy @EJeezy6]

God does not know your sins only you

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Hey, if the mood's right under the mistletoe, don't be afraid to go in for a little mistlefinger…

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Well if I’m a virgin, why does my hymen look like this? *drops pants, everyone in zip code goes blind, Obama’s cries audible to Mars Rover*

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

It was right around the time I sent My only son to die on the cross that I realized there was something seriously wrong with Me.

[Seth Rogen @Sethrogen]

By "chimney" she means vagina, right? #santababy

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Sometimes it can be hard to stay positive, what with everything sucking and all.

[Ejeezy @EJeezy6]

Nelson Mandela was a true OG #RIPNelsonMandela

[Ejeezy @EJeezy6]

The best thing about working out is the 12 pack of beer I get to drink afterwards #noregrets

[Ejeezy @EJeezy6]

Wish I had some baby powder for my balls #chaffing

[DAVID FROZEN ARNOLD @kidhaggard]

Gum chewing is kind of rude but I dont think it deserves living the rest of your life as a blueberry

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Do you love your family enough to trample other shoppers? If not, you're a horrible person.

[Ejeezy @EJeezy6]

Just trimmed my nose hair, should probably do that more often or next time I could braid it

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Peter Jackson just found a postcard JRR Tolkien wrote his nephew in 1938. He's turning it into 22 nine-hour films.

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

I know I'm basing this solely on watching award shows, but the music industry is awful, right?

[Ejeezy @EJeezy6]

Indiana Jones kills a lot of people and nobody ever calls the cops what's up with that #nojustice