Ed Amsden, smiling politely

Very, very funny comedy writer.

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

I see your Nan's got a job at Talksport

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

Fun tip for abusive partners: tell your other half you're not gaslamping them, then insist it's always been called that

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

@ZoeTomalin Mine are all 'ending up in one of my sitcoms', though, so can't all be over

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

Me, shirtless, lobbing a plastic patio chair at someone's head across the outdoor space of a Doha café: "Human rights for all!"

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

@EliotJFallows @vulture I've been taking a break from social media to string random words together in the real world. Batista in this Nero is confused to say the least

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

Say what you like about Nintendo Switch graphics, but the lads at FIFA 22 have absolutely nailed the likeness of Angel Gomes 👏

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

Soft drinks? That's an 11am can of Heineken.

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

Why does my toddler's shampoo bottle look like Bojack has taken a load of quaaludes and ended up in a bad trip?

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

Pathological personality disorders, ranked in ascending order of severity:

Sociopath
Psychopath
GP's Receptionist

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

I liked her more in The Handmaid's Tale

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

OK, who forgot to teach the Wales squad any words

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Wow, didn't think I could vomit out of my eyes

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

These 'Not every disability is visible' signs on accessible toilets really have made a legitimate, tangible difference to the lives of us sneaky naughty guys.

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

@MichaelSpring_ Hey mate, I do remember you and I do also know the smallest fraction about literary agents. Trying (clearly unsuccessfully) to detox myself off twitter, but send me an email [email protected] and I'll try to help

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

The Queen's what now sorry

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

Yesterday I went to kick a football back to some kids, miscued it slightly and one of them called me Timo Werner. Crushed.

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

Craziest part is they still have the exact same squad

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'No's to the left, 'Yes, yes, YES'es to the right.

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

Uh-oh

[Ed Amsden, smiling politely @EdAmsden]

Put Colin Pitchfork on the Masked Singer you cowards