Ed

Father, bass player, runner, Phillies nut. I'll try to be funny. Not much else to see here. Off you go!

[Ed @EddieT2012]

@TarynNBCS Not to wish you harm but I hope you’re ready for a half marathon.

[Ed @EddieT2012]

@NorthSideCapper @AdamSchefter @LindseyThiry Because you play each of those teams twice every year. You should know who’s in your division better than another team(s). It’s part of good preparation. And also ridiculous that he wouldn’t know.

[Ed @EddieT2012]

Getting the wrapping paper pattern to line up on the bottom of the gift is like hitting the OCD lottery.

[Ed @EddieT2012]

There's a drug called Latuda for bipolar disorder which I think was named after an angry black chick.

[Ed @EddieT2012]

Came out to see the adorable @MarisaMagnatta tonight. Kinda sour I didn't win Eagles tix, but her red shoes were hot.

[Ed @EddieT2012]

When I gracelessly knock something off the shelf but then catch it before it hits the counter I feel like the clumsiest ninja ever.

[Ed @EddieT2012]

If Johnny Jolly of the GB Packers doesn't actively seek a woman to marry named Holly, he's failing at life. @JJolly97

[Ed @EddieT2012]

My wife kept the leftover salad and gave away all the stuffing, in case you're wondering why we start marriage counseling next week.

[Ed @EddieT2012]

90% of my meals is me dipping stuff into other stuff.

[Ed @EddieT2012]

KidzBop 24?! Fuck you, humanity. You have failed me. 24 times, you have failed me.

[Ed @EddieT2012]

Nothing ensures a solid hour of unproductivity at work like having to come up with a new password.

[Ed @EddieT2012]

Sometimes all I wish is to go into the bathroom and poop with the efficiency of my dog on our walks.

[Ed @EddieT2012]

I should collect these classy comments guys leave on hot pics and write a book titled "Mmm, I Want Fuck! - & 100 More Ways to Pick Up Women"

[Ed @EddieT2012]

Someone please explain the appeal of truck nuts to me. This is not a rhetorical question.

[Anita @Togglelogl_babe]

There are some heartless, brutal mother fuckers out there dressed in PTA clothes.

[Ed @EddieT2012]

Is there anything more useless than the white crayon? Fuck outta here.

[Ed @EddieT2012]

I could eat pizza every day. If it wouldn’t make me fat, I WOULD eat pizza every day. Vanity is the only thing keeping this from happening.

[Ed @EddieT2012]

Wife: Look at me. Be honest, if you had to say I gained weight somewhere, where would you say?
Me: The kitchen?

[Ed @EddieT2012]

The cruel irony of making coffee in the morning is it requires way too much dexterity before one's had their coffee. *wipes spilled grinds

[Ed @EddieT2012]

Americans can be dumb, sure, but I wouldn't want to live anywhere else in the world! Except maybe Hawaii...that place looks awesome.