Eden Rose Pollock

Aspiring Jedi, certified blonde, & professional weirdo. The Usain Bolt of sleeping. she/her

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

*grabs last seat next to small family
*pulls beer out of pocket
(Maybe they won't mind if I'm discrete about it?)
*sprays foam all over 2yo

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

Is embroidery something I should be doing in the back of an ambulance? 🧵 🚑 Probs nah. But if airplane-surgeon suddenly become a critically important job I’m so there 😎

[drewtoothpaste.bsky.social @drewtoothpaste]

what the fuck

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

@CarolineZinszer

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

The #nbr is funny because your friends and family assume the entire event is you and your three crazy friends, and not 10,000 other people 🙃😆

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

@badboysexcop With like Crayola craft scissors, yeah?

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

I just saw a gaggle of four-year-olds in caps and gowns emerge from a hospital auditorium. Teeny tiny doctors, I’m guessing?

[maia @uncIeanspirit]

Being a vagina owner experiencing stomach pains is so wild sometimes... like am I just having bad cramps? Is it my appendix rupturing? An ovarian cyst perhaps? Bad sushi? Who knows! Maybe I’m dying

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

I just wanna spend all my money on the people I love. How do you budget that?

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

Do pets have falling dreams too? Asking for a pet 🧐

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

Just eating string cheese with my cat 🧀

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

@ellle_em @taslimanasreen REALLY bad, damn. 😶 maybe my kids would have a shitty pancreas but they would have an *adorable* nose

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

But WHAT IF we put throw pillows in our cars?? 🚗 #thinkaboutthat

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

@badboysexcop Very smart move on your end 😆

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

Me

[Keefler @Keefler_Elf]

[gets girl’s number]

me: warning you now i’m bad at texting lol

[3 months later]

her: lol its okay so am i!

[many years have gone by]

me: sorry i was asleep

[she got married, divorced 5 yrs later, has a kid]

her: it’s okay i was busy!

[i died of old age]

me: [ghosts her]

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

So far fitness means thigh sweat, starving all the time, and eating meat really really fast? 🏋️‍♂️

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

@badboysexcop On it 👍

[Eden Rose Pollock @EdenPollock]

I just ate a quarter of a watermelon.

I am now the shape of a watermelon. 🍉