Edmonds Scanner

All that we have are the mysteries hidden in misty forests.

wayward @SorrowScopes contributor

@edmondsscanner.bsky.social
@[email protected]

[Edmonds Scanner @EdmondsScanner]

Things are dark here, but look for the light over at
@edmondsscanner.bsky.social
That's where you'll find us. Take care.

[Edmonds Scanner @EdmondsScanner]

Your horoscope for today:
Be like a goat - eat what you want, climb where you want, and headbutt anyone who needs it.
Let no one rule you.

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Who are we inside, if not a collection of our hopes & fears, cheese cravings, sad pop songs, loose bones, mossy memories, erotic ideas about moon ghosts, and dreams for a better tomorrow?

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Your daily horoscope:
Today you will feel like a swamp - mysterious, dark, murky, and filled with toothy appetites.

[Edmonds Scanner @EdmondsScanner]

You don't need to be great at everything.
Specialize instead.
Write erotic thrillers about moon ghosts.
Craft enchanted daggers made of ancient goblin bones.
Brew boozy milkshakes so strong they would make the old gods blush.

[Edmonds Scanner @EdmondsScanner]

You may feel lonely in this world, but you are never really alone.
Even now, you are surrounded by mysterious ducks, skulking moss goblins, and the restless swirling spirits of ancient & cursed forest gods.
Take comfort in that.

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What are you looking for?

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You may not believe in yourself, but you absolutely have the dark temperament, mossy aura, crooked fangs, and terrifying appetites to be a very good forest horror, swamp creature, or castle haunt if you want.
I believe in you.

[Edmonds Scanner @EdmondsScanner]

Your daily horoscope:
Today you will feel like a dilapidated manor house - once formal and grand, but now dark, musty, and left to molder and ruin.

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What are you looking for?

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Reasons to own an emotional support falcon:
- people will give you space on the bus
- can spot burrito shops from many miles away
- will retrieve burritos for you at 200 mph
- high pitched screeching to surprise your rivals
- newfound swagger from looking so cool

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Your daily horoscope:
Today you will feel like a modern day superhero: moody, sarcastic, confused about your place in the world, and often reluctant to rely on the power hidden within you.

[Edmonds Scanner @EdmondsScanner]

Express yourself.
Write, draw, paint, dance in the moonlight, sing like a banshee, or simply terrify the timid townsfolk with your monstrous beauty.
The world needs your weirdness now more than ever.

[Edmonds Scanner @EdmondsScanner]

Parents, have you talked to your kids about the dangers of the old forest?
The seductive lure of forgotten kingdoms crumbling into ruins under the trees, or the hidden tombs of the old gods, wreathed in moss and malevolence?

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Your horoscope for today:
Be like an ocean tide - come and go on a rhythm unbound by time, and occasionally get too high and wreck some expensive houses.

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It's hard enough to find someone to love in this world.
But harder still is to find someone who loves us back, with our eccentricities, dragon breath, crooked antlers, and passion for haunting the catacombs of crumbling castles.
Don't give up.

[Edmonds Scanner @EdmondsScanner]

Sending love to all of the dark fairies, moss goblins, twig witches, sleepless dreamers, talkative badgers, bear-centaurs, and all of the other wild folk of the realms.
Nothing compares to you.

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What's your favorite late night snack?

[Edmonds Scanner @EdmondsScanner]

If it feels like your world is falling into ruins, it's time to take action.
Gather the crumbling blocks together into a snug and safe den, craft primitive weapons from the broken shards, and become the mad monarch of the ruins.

[Edmonds Scanner @EdmondsScanner]

Your daily horoscope:
Today you will feel like a nut - protein filled, hard on the outside, and often producing an allergic reaction in others.