Zetsubou 🦇

22 |🏳️‍⚧️|🔞| Bat who lingers on within your Restless Nightmares | Is both Infinity & Nothing | Child of Nightmares | Embodiment of Despair | Lives with *Her* |

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

It's been a good while since I gave this a shot..

Hello again, everyone.. well again to those who once knew me..

Hello to those who've not met me yet..

Let's see where this all ends up going, shall we..?

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

hahahaha...

...

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

I wish I didn't have to fight every single day..

I feel really tired these days of having to motivate myself every month to try and survive..

Truthfully I'm not really living.. just survival, passing time..

I don't got realistic dreams..

Just fictional fantasies in my head..

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

Some of y'all will never understand what its like.. not having a purpose to your own existence..

Watching everyone figure everything out, find their happiness first..

Good for them, right?

Whatever, who will care in the end?

Just a stranger in the background, tis my destiny..

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

@wisewight

*Beats you up in public*

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

@shelley_zedkat Yea.

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

Slept for another 12 hours give or take..

Feels like our mind is stuck in some sort of purgatory these days.. maybe the madness is truly going to take over entirely soon..

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

@wisewight I'm gonna touch you in your no no spots

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

It's nights like these that I wish I owned a piano of some sort..

Honestly, there are a couple pieces I'd love to learn and master that personally mean something to me..

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

I'd be afraid to meet another girl very similar to me..

I know I can be a bit dangerous and paranoid when unstable, that's why I wouldn't want to meet another me..

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

I'm Latina btw.. people mistakenly assume I'm white which worries me that I'm disconnected from my culture to the point that I might have homogenized with the typical transfem.. but I am a Latina with Colombian blood in me..

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

@t1ny69fr0g Hahahahahaha... sigh..

Well.. unlike her in this instance.. the worst part for me personally.. is that I actually do know they're definitely 100% happier without me in their life..

It burns so deep in my soul.. eating away at my own sanity every so while when remembering..

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

@scurryhare Sigh.. how unfortunate..

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

Was the best part to me..

Didn't have to worry much about getting a disease or risking an infection because the most important thing to me before and after was cleaning everything throughly..

Performing an unhealthy thing in a healthy way, gave me comfort..

Oxymoron,

I know..

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

It'd be cool if someone made a ceremonial boxcutter..

A really edgy handle and then when you pop up the blade, it has a symbol on it..

I always wanted something personal and small like that, not a dagger or razor blade per say..

A boxcutter just feels intimate.. I'd know..

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

I sometimes miss being able to drown out everything else.. being able to stop thinking and just focus on the current moment..

I'd wait a minute to just stare at it before washing and patching myself up immediately..

Cleaning everything up after then relaxing to ride the warmth.

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

Maybe it's just me..

Sex just doesn't seem to feel good.. I don't understand why.. Have I been doing it wrong this whole time..?

Has the partners I've been with just not know what to do..?

I don't get it, I just don't understand why I don't feel great during and after it..

[Zetsubou 🦇 @EienToOwari]

Rage..