Halston Purina

I've been to Taco Bell but I've never been to me.

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

Thinking of becoming either a body builder or sumo wrestler but leaning toward the sumo wrestler since I won't have to change my diet.

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

Forget avocado toast let's all become cannibals and have Melba toast.

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

If my boss saw that Mitch McConnell photo he'd say "If you're well enough to lie around in bed all day, you're well enough to work, so get your ass back here."

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

You would think there would be a discount at the self-service checkout since they didn't have to pay a cashier to do the work.

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

@UnrealBluegrass I won't' believe it until the coroner to chimes in with his song

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

Why is setting your farts on fire called "blue dart" instead of gaslighting?

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

Food is so expensive I've rebranded dinner as micro dosing.

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

@ThrillaRilla369 Just yesterday someone was telling me about the Decoration of Indepencence.

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

Living in one of these non-heatwave states is giving me a little FOMO, I think I'll turnup the thermostat and post a heat tweet in an hour.

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

@Super70sSports Edith thought she was partying with Alice The Cook.

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

@Super70sSports It's rumored that the panties in the School's Out album were modeled after hers.

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

It's so hot that tomorrow you'll be able to just stare at the fireworks and they will explode.

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

@Super70sSports If the 60's Batman had a villain called the "The Turtleneck" these people would be his henchmen.

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

I hate when a stranger on the street says "good morning" to me and I say hi back and then they ghost me the rest of my life.

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

@Super70sSports And later it will be documented in a Penthouse Forum story.

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

@GenTXer2 Or as my friends use to called it "Pulling Mussels From Michelle".

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

@pattonoswalt His name was synonymous with a Costco sized bag of Cheetos but it couldn't last. RIP

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

@Super70sSports The Reggie Jackson of candy bars

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

@imjustinrandall You think that a guy who calls himself Clavicular he'd have a very beautiful clavicle bone.

[Halston Purina @ElPenguinito]

@Super70sSports This album is the soundtrack of slipping bong water on the shag carpet.