Eleanor Altman™

Writer USI 2020. everything happens f̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶s̶o̶n̶

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

The customer service people at @ContactsCart are awesome

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

Sorry for posting this everywhere but no I’m not

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

I truly can’t describe how much I love my bird. He is so funny. He mimics the words “I love you,” and most recently, the sound of my laugh. He loves kisses. And my most favorite of all, is when he hops up on my shoulder and just relaxes there as I go about my day. He’s my friend.

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

PLEASE, people of the Evansville/Newburgh area— if you know of places hiring, or work somewhere that’s hiring and can put in a good word, PLEASE message me! I am so desperate for a decent-paying job that doesn’t make me want to jump off a cliff every day

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

If you think you’re too good for a Little Caesar’s $5 Hot N Ready pizza… then I think I’m too good for YOU

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

@TammyRenis

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

I’m urging you guys not to forget about jstor just because we’re out of college

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

Bros I thought something was wrong with me. I haven’t had a classic Eleanor dream in weeks and now, last night… I’M BACK BABY😤😤 Thrill, imminent danger, secrets, arduous escapes, working together, ~the documents,~ living in ruins to hide from those we flee… eeeuuunnnghhh

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

My mother is a doll… I’m out sick from work and my mom placed an order to the store all the way here in Newburgh to get me some meds and vitamins to help me feel better🥺💕

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

BUT LOOK AT THAT SWEET FACE AND LISTEN TO THAT SWEET VOICE😩❤️

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

Jett is in his terrible twos💀 He’s never been allowed in the kitchen unless accompanied!! Now the second I turn my back he’s running all over the stovetop trying to eat crumbs!! You ever had to chase a bird who’s trying to escape with a giant piece of nondescript foodstuff?!

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

If you come into a restaurant and treat your server like they’re scum and cry and whine over every little thing and disrespect me the entire meal, I straight up don’t even want your money, just eat and get tf out. Go be miserable elsewhere queen

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

If I didn’t eat the dry plain rice in the fridge earlier I’d have some right now to put with my orange chicken…. I am full of regret 😔

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

me and my love by the sea

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

Classic “if there are any sugar daddies out there that just want to give me free money with nothing in return” tweet

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

Cheese is disgusting if you think about it…. So I shan’t think about it

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

Was in the bathroom at work and a woman with a cane said “Why must they always put the handicapped stall very last?”

Wait, yeah? Why DO we do that?!

[Eleanor Altman™ @EleanorAltman13]

Probably one of the most embarrassing things that ever happened to me was I was at church and this little kid comes up to me and says “you look nice” so I said “thanks!” Then she goes “Thanks for what? I said ‘do you like knights’”